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The government wants to fund the following to improve children’s education: 1. hire more teachers to teach in a small class2. provide preschool education before kindergarten3. To provide some training course s so that teachers can be more professional v.2

The government wants to fund the following to improve children’s education: 1. hire more teachers to teach in a small class2. provide preschool education before kindergarten3. To provide some training course s so that teachers can be more professional v. 2
There is no doubt that nowadays, education plays a key role for governments. Due to its paramount importance, no one can deny the direct and indirect effects of education on society. Even though, some people are inclined toward the opinion that it is a fruitful for government to invest in providing preschool education before kindergarten or hiring more teacher to teach in small class, some others may take an another viewpoint which states that governments should pay attention to training courses which are pragmatic for teaching proficiency. From my vantage point, the latter belief is true. In what follows, I will cogently pinpoint my compelling reasons to vindicate my perspective. The first noteworthy reason regarding the issue is that teaching is a demanding skill for the majority of people. It obvious that nowadays, some people have a great background in their field but they cannot express their knowledge clearly in order to clarify another people. This issue spreads between some teachers and although they have high academic degrees in their fields, they cannot illustrate some materials in courses very well. It is axiomatic that governments can invest in providing some institutes in order to learn this people very well. To shed light on this reason, I would like to draw your attention to recent studies about educational systems in different countries. The studies with respect to educational system and results of this experiment underscore the fact that government should concentrate on holding training courses for teachers because Finland has the best educational systems among all countries and they enroll Finnish teachers in some classes which are related to training. The second pivotal point that I want to delve into is that when we compare teacher' s role in education to another determinants, all of them will loose their significance against teacher' s role. So, it is axiomatic that build up teaching skills among teachers is prior than other options such as increasing quantity of them or provide preschool before kindergarten. Moreover, providing preschool and hiring more teachers is not an economical for governments because they need to pay salaries for teachers. For instance, many years ago in my country, government did not pay attention to teaching skills and always invest his money in hiring more teachers but it was inconclusive. Finally, recently course curriculum for teachers is changed and all of college students who want to be a teacher, should pass training courses so as to graduate from their institute and by virtue of this, educational system in my country changes dramatically. Thanks to the government' s activity which was a case in point, I could daresay that providing training course is more sensible because had the government not invested in this way, students could not flourish. To recapitulate the discussion of the all points mentioned above, I should state that government should invest in training courses. Not only is it more economical, but also the majority of teachers have not enough skills so as to illuminate course materials. It is hard to disguise the fact that teacher' s role in anything but pale. All in all, it is recommended that government spend its money to establish more training courses.
There is no doubt that nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. Due to its paramount importance, no one can deny the direct and indirect effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
on society.
Even though
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
toward the opinion that it is a fruitful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in providing preschool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
kindergarten or hiring more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
to teach in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others may take
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a viewpoint" or "another viewpoint".
an another viewpoint
which states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
which are pragmatic for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
proficiency. From my vantage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
, the latter belief is true. In what follows, I will
cogently
pinpoint my compelling reasons to vindicate my perspective.

The
first
noteworthy reason regarding the issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
is a demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
for the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
It seems that a verb is missing after "It". Please verify.
It
obvious that nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a great background in their field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot express their knowledge
clearly
in order to clarify another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This issue spreads between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and although they have high academic degrees in their fields, they cannot illustrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
materials in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. It is axiomatic that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
institutes in order to learn this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. To shed light on this reason, I would like to draw your attention to recent studies about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The studies with respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and results of this experiment underscore the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should concentrate on holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Finland has the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
among all
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
countries and
they enroll Finnish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
classes which
are related
to training.

The second pivotal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
that I want to delve into is that when we compare
Possible spelling mistake found.
teacher&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to another determinants, all of them will
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their significance against
Possible spelling mistake found.
teacher&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is axiomatic that build up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is
Use "(prior)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
prior
than other options such as increasing quantity of them or provide preschool
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
kindergarten.
Moreover
, providing preschool and hiring more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is not an economical for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to pay salaries for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
did not pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
his money in hiring more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was inconclusive.
Finally
, recently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
curriculum for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
Consider using "all college" or "all of the college".
all of college
students who want to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
, should pass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
graduate from their institute and by virtue of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
dramatically
. Thanks to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
government&
#039; s activity which was a case in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
, I could daresay that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is more sensible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
had the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
not invested in this way, students could not flourish.

To recapitulate the discussion of the all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
mentioned above, I should state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is it more economical,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
illuminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
materials. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to disguise the fact that
Possible spelling mistake found.
teacher&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
pale. All in all, it
is recommended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spend its money to establish more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
81Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay The government wants to fund the following to improve children’s education: 1. hire more teachers to teach in a small class2. provide preschool education before kindergarten3. To provide some training course s so that teachers can be more professional v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
530 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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