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The government wants to fund the following to improve children’s education: 1. hire more teachers to teach in a small class2. provide preschool education before kindergarten3. To provide some training course s so that teachers can be more professional v.1

The government wants to fund the following to improve children’s education: 1. hire more teachers to teach in a small class2. provide preschool education before kindergarten3. To provide some training course s so that teachers can be more professional v. 1
Undoubtedly academy study plays a crucial role in students' life by building their personality and broadening their skills. Furthermore, having the suitable university studies helps graduates to get better professions. However, I believe that there are other variety of benefits of college learning for both students and community. On the one hand, there are several reasons why college has such a detrimental role in catching good jobs. First of all, college gives students a sufficient amount of knowledge for a specific branch of disciplines. In addition to that, it gives them the training to be also aware of the practical side of their Specialty. Having both the theoretical and practical experience, making the graduates to be more demanding in the work market. To illustrate, many of programming companies prefer applicants who have a previous practical experience in programming languages. Secondly, each year many colleges organize job fair, with the aim of making the undergraduate students more familiar with the demands of the work market. For instance, the annual job fair at the faculty of engineering at Alexandria university help undergraduate students to obtain internships at popular companies, such as Samsung and Google. On the other hand, there are many other benefits of the universal learning in the community. The first advantage is that with the increasing of the number of educated residents, the quality of life is improving. For example, the amount of crimes decrease against the increase of employment rate. Secondly, reduce the trouble of the rising rates of the unemployment. For example, by preparing the most convenient type of employment to the work market, the society could regain its maintenance by defeat the unemployment issue. In conclusion, there are supporters and opponents in this case, my personal opinion is that institutional education not only provides jobs for our youth, but also plays a crucial role in our country.
Undoubtedly
academy study plays a crucial role in students' life by building their personality and broadening their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Furthermore
, having the suitable university studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
graduates to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better professions.
However
, I believe that there are other variety of benefits of college learning for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and community.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why college has such a detrimental role in catching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, college gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a sufficient amount of knowledge for a specific branch of disciplines.
In addition
to that, it gives them the training to be
also
aware of the practical side of their Specialty. Having both the theoretical and practical experience, making the graduates to be more demanding in the work market. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of programming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer applicants who have a previous practical experience in programming languages.
Secondly
, each year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
colleges organize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
, with the aim of making the undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more familiar with the demands of the work market.
For instance
, the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
at the faculty of engineering at Alexandria university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to obtain internships at popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, such as Samsung and Google.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other benefits of the universal learning in the community. The
first
advantage is that with the increasing of the number of educated residents, the quality of life is improving.
For example
, the amount of crimes decrease against the increase of employment rate.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the trouble of the rising rates of the unemployment.
For example
, by preparing the most convenient type of employment to the work market, the society could regain its maintenance by defeat the unemployment issue.

In conclusion
, there are supporters and opponents
in this case
, my personal opinion is that institutional education not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for our youth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
plays a crucial role in our country.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The government wants to fund the following to improve children’s education: 1. hire more teachers to teach in a small class2. provide preschool education before kindergarten3. To provide some training course s so that teachers can be more professional v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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