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The government should spent more money on railways than on roads. What do you think about this? v.1

The government should spent more money on railways than on roads. What do you think about this? v. 1
Transport systems have been developed by the governments. Some beliefs that railways are more significant than roads. I will briefly explain this situation by supporting using commonly railways. The population, which is in the cities are increasing day by day. Thus, the people need more public transports ever before. All municipalities should spend funds in order to rise roads, bridges, subways, railways. Admittedly, railways are safer than others, because of this, novelty will be done in there. They are suitable for the new century, just like a plane comfort. For example, in early 1900s in Turkey, many railways were constructed to travel safe and comfort. Most individuals chose to travel with these trains, not only business travel, but also tourist events. It is clear that traffic accidents were less at trains both in the past, and now. On the other hand, trains can be transported more people than buses or automobiles. Trains not only carrying capacity, also fast. For instance, the train's fast 400km/ in an hour, however a car just would be reached 150km/ in an hour in my city's facilities. I prefer going to anywhere by this train. Hence, my vocation is less 2 hours. I save my time, my safety like us others. That is to say, railways investing should be more, most of the funds should build them by the governments. In conclusion, I restate that The municipalities and governments should support in order to increase railways. Because of this, they are safe, fast, and contemporary for public transport. In addition, many individuals alter to them visiting and tourist events.
Transport systems have
been developed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
beliefs that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
are more significant than roads. I will
briefly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this situation by supporting using
commonly
railways.

The population, which is in the cities are increasing day by day.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need more public transports ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. All municipalities should spend funds in order to rise roads, bridges, subways,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
.
Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
are safer than others,
because of this
, novelty will
be done
in there. They are suitable for the new century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
comfort.
For example
, in early 1900s in Turkey,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
were constructed
to travel safe and comfort. Most individuals chose to travel with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
business travel,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
tourist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that traffic accidents were less at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
both in the past, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
can
be transported
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
than buses or automobiles.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Trains
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
carrying capacity,
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
For instance
, the train's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "400 km"
400km
/ in an hour,
however
a car
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
would
be reached
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "150 km"
150km
/ in an hour in my city's facilities. I prefer going to anywhere by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
.
Hence
, my vocation is less 2 hours. I save my time, my safety like us others.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
investing should be more, most of the funds should build them by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

In conclusion
, I restate that The municipalities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should support in order to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
.
Because of this
, they are safe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, and contemporary for public transport.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals alter to them visiting and tourist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should spent more money on railways than on roads. What do you think about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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