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The government should spend money to encourage sports and arts in school children, rather than on professional sports and art performance for the general public. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The government should spend money to encourage sports and arts in school children, rather than on professional sports and art performance for the general public. v. 1
Travelling by own vehicle will give you immense pleasure that too with your loved ones. While some people argue that travelling within a city by car is better. However, others argue that bicycle is better. In this essay I will discuss why later is better, but why travelling in the former is far more superior. Many people think that travelling is a bicycle is the best way of transportation. Because it will help in reducing pollution and best for exercise. To illustrate this with an example, when a person suffers from obesity, the first advice doctor tends to provide is to switch to bicycle rather than a car or bike. Secondly, as a bicyclist you can enjoy the clean air while travelling. Wind will strike your face, this will make people contemplated. Thus travelling by this mode will be more suitable, in case if you are travelling alone. On the contrary, if you are travelling with your family the most suitable way of transportation is by the car that too within a city. Travelling by this mode will help you to spend quality time with your dear ones which is not possible in earlier one, and also it will make the journey a comfortable one. For example, the car can accommodate at least 4 to 5 persons and It will enable you to continue your journey; even during a bad weather conditions. To sum up this car is the best way of travelling, when considering to travel with leisure and with peoples. To Conclude this, travelling within the city by your own vehicle will give you pleasure. However, in this essay we discussed why some people prefer bicycle, while others prefer the car. In my opinion travelling via car is safest and economical in terms of travelling with more people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicle will give you immense pleasure that too with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
within a city by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is better.
However
, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
is better. In this essay I will discuss why later is better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
in the former is far more superior.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
is the best way of transportation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing pollution and best for exercise. To illustrate this with an example, when a person suffers from obesity, the
first
advice doctor tends to provide is to switch to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
rather
than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
or bike.
Secondly
, as a bicyclist you can enjoy the clean air while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
. Wind will strike your face, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contemplated.
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
by this mode will be more suitable, in case if you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
alone.

On the contrary
, if you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
with your family the most suitable way of transportation is by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
that too within a city.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
by this mode will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to spend quality time with your dear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
which is not possible in earlier one, and
also
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the journey a comfortable one.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
can accommodate at least 4 to 5 persons and It will enable you to continue your journey; even during a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
weather conditions. To sum up this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is the best way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
, when considering to travel with leisure and with peoples.

To Conclude
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
within the city by your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicle will give you pleasure.
However
, in this essay we discussed why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
, while others prefer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is safest and economical in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
with more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should spend money to encourage sports and arts in school children, rather than on professional sports and art performance for the general public. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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