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Sometimes governments say how many children a family can have in their country. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or di v.1

Sometimes governments say how many children a family can have in their country. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or di v. 1
The rapid growth of population demands construction of new buildings in many areas. However, space is a major concern because a few people have a mindset that countryside areas should be preserved so that no one can build new homes particularly in those locations. In my opinion, rural part of the country are those areas where flora and fauna exists. Firstly, due to increase in industrialization, more and more people are moving from one location to another in search of jobs. As a result, demand of houses is growing at a faster rate, but unfortunately no area is available. Therefore, people are planning to shift at remote locations, this decision could disturb the natural habitat of some animals and will definitely lead to destruction. To illustrate, according to the survey conducted by a reporter, he discussed this issue specifically with those people who were residing in nearby areas. He concluded that, common people must be made aware by organizing seminars on preserving crops and fruit cultivation. Secondly, the government should take an initiative to solve this matter by utilizing the open areas properly and building multistory apartments for the people. They should provide flats on one year lease and define rules and regulations. Finally, unused locations can be modified and shelter could be provided to all the migrated people. To conclude, the government should make a strict rule in order to preserve the natural beauty of the rural areas. In addition to this it is our prime duty to make our land safe for agricultural purpose because most of the daily resources such as, dairy products, vegetables and fruit are provided by them.
The rapid growth of population demands construction of new buildings in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
However
, space is a major concern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a mindset that countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
should
be preserved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no one can build new homes
particularly
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
. In my opinion, rural part of the country are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where flora and fauna exists.

Firstly
, due to increase in industrialization, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
to another in search of jobs.
As a result
, demand of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
is growing at a faster rate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is available.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are planning to shift at remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
, this decision could disturb the natural habitat of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
animals and will definitely lead to destruction. To illustrate, according to the survey conducted by a reporter, he discussed this issue
specifically
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were residing in nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. He concluded that, common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
aware by organizing seminars on preserving crops and fruit cultivation.

Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take an initiative to solve this matter by utilizing the open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
properly
and building multistory apartments for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They should provide flats on one year lease and define
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations.
Finally
, unused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
can
be modified
and shelter could
be provided
to all the migrated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
in order to preserve the natural beauty of the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
In addition
to this it is our prime duty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our land safe for agricultural purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the daily resources such as, dairy products, vegetables and fruit
are provided
by them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Sometimes governments say how many children a family can have in their country. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or di v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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