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The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree? v.2

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. v. 2
Talking about how to suitable allocate resources to two fields between the art fields and education system. Some researchers consider that the national and local authorities should invest in education organization rather than supporting money on the arts. In my opinion, I total agree with this ideal. Nowadays, education system plays important rules for many generations especially young people because it brings more benefits in many different aspects. Firstly, rather than supporting financial aid for the arts, the authorities should encourage residents, as well as their children learning more and more by providing highly facilities for schools such as the authorities, build more schools curriculum, classroom which have fully equipped with modern facilities, it can raise people’s awareness of people by the ways they will accumulate knowledge and apply the knowledge in their life and looking more opportunities. Thanks to, the economic system will grow up as well as in developing countries more than. Another point the authorities should assist financial aid for poverty-stricken families as to encourage their children going to school by the national and local authorities to prioritize expenditure on these families like scholarships, free school fees, or maybe something like that as presents for them. Besides, the government should run several campaigns for their mental life especially children by the ways of creating many activities like cycling, walking in the park. In conclusion, education organization is one of the comprehension fields including the arts so that I think that the authorities should invest more than in this field.
Talking about how to suitable allocate resources to two
fields
between the
art
fields
and
education
system.
Some
researchers consider that the national and local
authorities
should invest in
education
organization
rather
than supporting money on the
arts
. In my opinion, I total
agree
with this ideal.

Nowadays,
education
system plays
important
rules
for
many
generations
especially
young
people
because
it brings more benefits in
many
different
aspects.
Firstly
,
rather
than supporting financial aid for the
arts
, the
authorities
should encourage residents,
as well
as their children learning more and more by providing
highly
facilities for
schools
such as the
authorities
, build more
schools
curriculum, classroom which have
fully
equipped with modern facilities, it can raise
people
’s awareness of
people
by the ways they will accumulate knowledge and apply the knowledge in their life and looking more opportunities. Thanks to, the economic system will grow up
as well
as in
developing countries
more than.

Another point the
authorities
should assist financial aid for poverty-stricken families as to encourage their children going to
school
by the national and local
authorities
to prioritize expenditure on these families like scholarships, free
school
fees, or maybe something like that as presents for them.
Besides
, the
government
should run several campaigns for their mental life
especially
children by the ways of creating
many
activities like cycling, walking in the park.

In conclusion
,
education
organization is one of the comprehension
fields
including the
arts
so
that I
think
that the
authorities
should invest more than in this
field
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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