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The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree? v.1

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. v. 1
Naughty school student's tend to disturb others, Separating loquacious and misbehaving student's from the rest of the class and teaching them separately won't make a big difference. I completely disagree, with this notion. Firstly, a teacher or a parent must admit that fact that all students are not the same. Being talkative or silent doesn't depend on that particular individual it's all from the nature and also it's a unique quality that is being inherent from the parents. For instance, when we look at kids from the same parent we don't find any common qualities among them. Though, their parents are same. Therefore, it is very clear that every kid has their own distinct character. Secondly, grouping notorious students from the class and emphasising them separately won't help them to change their character. Indeed, it makes them feel depressed and triggers them to do violent activities again. For example, If we segregate them from the group and educate them separately, they feel that they are being annoyed and hated by everyone. This way approach won't aid to solve the problem. However, worses the situation. Lastly, it affects the behaviour of the student. In conclusion, Instead of grouping misbehaving students together, As a parent or a teacher we can interact with them personally and insist them with a friendly attitude in a way that doesn't affect their mood. This way of positive approach helps them to adapt to the situations quickly. And also allows them to learn from their mistakes.
Naughty school
student's
tend to disturb others, Separating loquacious and misbehaving student's from the rest of the
class
and teaching them
separately
won't
make
a
big
difference. I completely disagree, with this notion.

Firstly
, a teacher or a
parent
must
admit that fact that all students are not the same. Being talkative or silent doesn't depend on that particular individual it's all from the nature and
also
it's a unique quality
that is
being inherent from the
parents
.
For instance
, when we look at kids from the same
parent
we don't find any common qualities among them.
Though
, their
parents
are same.
Therefore
, it is
very
clear
that every kid has their
own
distinct character.

Secondly
, grouping notorious students from the
class
and
emphasising
them
separately
won't
help
them to
change
their character.
Indeed
, it
makes
them feel depressed and triggers them to do violent activities again.
For example
, If we segregate them from the group and educate them
separately
, they feel that they are
being annoyed
and hated by everyone. This way approach won't aid to solve the problem.
However
,
worses
the situation.
Lastly
, it affects the
behaviour
of the student.

In conclusion
,
Instead
of grouping misbehaving students together, As a
parent
or a teacher we can interact with them
personally
and insist them with a friendly attitude in a way that doesn't affect their mood. This way of
positive
approach
helps
them to adapt to the situations
quickly
. And
also
allows
them to learn from their mistakes.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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