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EX: Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion? v.1

EX: Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion? v. 1
People choose various transports to travel within a city. Some people choose car for transit while select bicycles. Cars are faster than bicycles are more efficient. Therefore, I will describe merits and demerits and reach a conclusion. Firstly, cars is more convenient rather than bicycles. People choose cars due to its quickness and comfort. For instance, if anyone wants to travel 10 KM through bicycle it takes 20 minutes approximately but if he chooses car instead of a bicycle he reaches the destination in 10 minutes manifestly. Through past over the years, discreet people continuously deliver their precious time to create convenient rides for every individual and four-wheel vehicle is one of them. For example, when any folk want to transit with family, certainly he travels by car. In addition, cars are quicker, effective and more concessive approach for travel. Secondly, Instead of choosing car, bicycles are more efficient and low-maintenance factor transport. Bicycles are eco-friendly vehicle. For instance, car runs through fossil fuels and usage of fuels may end up with pollution. Pollution is malignant for individuals and it will create misery for humankind. Cycles are preventing the pollution and it’s beneficial for our health also. In addition, bicycles have very low maintenance and affordable for everyone. The bicycle is the suitable option to travel within a city. To conclude, car is convenient and relaxing ride on the contrary bicycle is efficient and eco-friendly. Personally, I believe, for transit in city, bicycles are the aid able factor and profitable for mankind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
various transports to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
within a city.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
for transit while select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cars
are faster than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
are more efficient.
Therefore
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
merits and demerits and reach a conclusion.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is more convenient
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
due to its quickness and comfort.
For instance
, if anyone wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
10 KM through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
it takes 20 minutes approximately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chooses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
instead
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
he reaches the destination in 10 minutes
manifestly
. Through past over the years, discreet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
continuously
deliver their precious time to create convenient rides for every individual and four-wheel vehicle is one of them.
For example
, when any folk want to transit with family,
certainly
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travels
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are quicker, effective and more
Possible spelling mistake found.
concessive
approach for travel.

Secondly
,
Instead
of choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
are more efficient and low-maintenance factor transport.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bicycles
are eco-friendly vehicle.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
runs through fossil fuels and usage of fuels may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with pollution. Pollution is malignant for individuals and it will create misery for humankind. Cycles are preventing the pollution and it’s beneficial for our health
also
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low maintenance and affordable for everyone. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
is the suitable option to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
within a city.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is convenient and relaxing ride
on the contrary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
is efficient and eco-friendly.
Personally
, I believe, for transit in city,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
are the aid able factor and profitable for mankind.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay EX: Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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