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today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as Sahara and the Antarctic what are benefits and for tourists who visit such places? . v.1

today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as Sahara and the Antarctic what are benefits and for tourists who visit such places? . v. 1
Trend of visiting harsh places like Sahara desert or Antartic is increasing among the tourists nowadays, with the increase in the interest of people in the adventure. Being harsh is the key point, which is makes these places popular among tourists, as it is a harder terrain and climate of these locations which leads to extreme thrill, that people enjoy. There are a lot of benefits as well as disadvantages for tourists visiting these places. This essay will discuss both. Firstly, as far as the benefits of the tourists are concerned, there are multiple rewards. First and foremost being the experience of visiting Such isolated and extreme places on earth. Along with that people learn and develop many new techniques and survival skills which become valuable possessions for the rest of their lives; like navigation, hunting, shelter building and so on. Secondly, they are also able to observe and respect the harmony, which exists between the nature and the life forms in these extreme places, like the development of thorny leaves of the desert plants and the white coat of the polar bears to camouflage in white polar ice. Furthermore, along with the numerous advantages we also observe many disadvantages of such tourism. This type of demanding tourism is not fit for everyone and many cases of accidents and deaths have been reported in the recent past. Many people get lost in these places every year, even if successfully rescued; the memories of such tragic happenings have been known to leave indelible impressions on one’s mind, traumatizing them for the rest of their lives. To conclude, we can say that the excursion to places with drastic conditions have both ups and downs and we must be careful to strive the perfect balance between the two.
Trend of visiting harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the Sahara desert".
like Sahara desert
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antartic
is increasing among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
nowadays, with the increase in the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the adventure. Being harsh is the key point, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, as it is a harder terrain and climate of these locations which leads to extreme thrill, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits
as well
as disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. This essay will discuss both.

Firstly
, as far as the benefits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are concerned
, there are multiple rewards.
First
and foremost being the experience of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
visiting


Such isolated and extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
on earth. Along with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn and develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new techniques and survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which become valuable possessions for the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
; like navigation, hunting, shelter building and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Secondly
, they are
also
able to observe and respect the harmony, which exists between the nature and the life forms in these extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, like the development of thorny
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
of the desert plants and the white coat of the polar bears to camouflage in white polar ice.

Furthermore
, along with the numerous advantages we
also
observe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of such tourism. This type of demanding tourism is not fit for everyone and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases of accidents and deaths have
been reported
in the recent past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
every year, even if
successfully
rescued; the memories of such tragic happenings have
been known
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
indelible impressions on one’s mind, traumatizing them for the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
, we can say that the excursion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with drastic conditions have both ups and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
downs and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be careful to strive the perfect balance between the two.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as Sahara and the Antarctic what are benefits and for tourists who visit such places? . v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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