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The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extend do you agree? v.2

The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. v. 2
Education is an important sector in each state all over the world. Some people believe that the government should prioritize the funding allocation towards science education instead of any other kind of schooling for a country to be able to grow and evolve. This essay will explain the reason why I believe it is true and provide some supporting facts and opinions related to it. I believe it is important for the ministry to focus more on science-related allocation compared to other subjects, for instance music, sport, and art. The question is: why is it important for the government to prioritize the spending on it? The main reason for that is the number of scientists in the world is decreasing year by year while the country’s need of their existence is increasing. Nowadays, there is a shift in the current generation’s interest regarding their career preferences so becoming a scientist is not as favorable as it was in the past decades. First, it is because to become a trusted scientist, they need to pursue higher education, at least holding a master’s degree. Second, they need to invest more time and money in their studies, in contrast, most of them get a lower salary than expected after finishing master’s degree. However, in my opinion, if the science education is totally free, the interest of pursuing higher education in science will increase. Moreover, if the infrastructure of learning science had been well-built, the students would be attracted to learning science than other subjects. To sum up, it is important for the government to focus more on allocating their funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects by giving grants and scholarship both to teachers and students because without scientist, the states will not be able to develop and progress properly.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
sector in each state all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should prioritize the funding allocation towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
instead
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kind of schooling for a country to be able to grow and evolve. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reason why I believe it is true and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
supporting facts and opinions related to it.

I believe it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for the ministry to focus more on science-related allocation compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects,
for instance
music, sport, and art. The question is: why is it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to prioritize the spending on it? The main reason for
that is
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
in the world is decreasing year by year while the country’s need of their existence is increasing.

Nowadays, there is a shift in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation’s interest regarding their career preferences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
is not as favorable as it was in the past decades.
First
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to become a trusted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
, they need to pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, at least holding a master’s degree. Second, they need to invest more time and money in their studies,
in contrast
, most of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a lower salary than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
after finishing master’s degree.
However
, in my opinion, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
totally
free, the interest of pursuing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
will increase.
Moreover
, if the infrastructure of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
had been well-built, the students would
be attracted
to learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects.

To sum up, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to focus more on allocating their funding to teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects by giving grants and scholarship both to teachers and students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
, the states will not be able to develop and progress
properly
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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