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The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extend do you agree? v.1

The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. v. 1
It is argued that government supposed to invest a large amount of money on science-based subject. While I share a similar view with essential of funding on science for country development and progress, it is also arguable that government endowment on training other fundamental subjects play an important role for the nation. One reason why the government ought to allocate a large amount of financial funding to train people about science subjects such as physics and chemistry is because of these subjects can determine the nation development. Taking Germany as an example, the government has been investing money on educating science-based subject since a few decades ago, which results in the advancement in science and technology and make the country among the leading nations in the world, and eventually leads to an increase of national prosperity along with enhancing of public welfare. Thus, it is clear that government endowment on educating people about science can bring benefits for the nations. However, this does not mean that social-based subjects such as communication should be completely neglected by the government. First of all, communication is the principal knowledge ought to be acquired by the people as they live in a community where they need social skills for their daily activities. To ensure that the people have decent insight about social insight, investing money on teaching people about these subjects is a must. To sump up, although government grant on educating people about science highly beneficial for country development, I also consider that the government should invest a sufficient amount of money to educate people about other fundamental subjects.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
supposed to invest a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on science-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. While I share a similar view with essential of funding on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
for country development and progress, it is
also
arguable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
endowment on training other fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for the nation.

One reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to allocate a large amount of financial funding to train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as physics and chemistry is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can determine the nation development. Taking Germany as an example, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has been investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on educating science-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
since a few decades ago, which results in the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the country among the leading nations in the world, and
eventually
leads to an increase of national prosperity along with enhancing of public welfare.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
endowment on educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
can bring benefits for the nations.

However
, this does not mean that social-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as communication should be completely neglected by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, communication is the principal knowledge ought to
be acquired
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a community where they need social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their daily activities. To ensure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have decent insight about social insight, investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
.

To sump up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
grant on educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
highly
beneficial for country development, I
also
consider that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest a sufficient amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about other fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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