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Many people prefer to work in the public sector, rather than in the private sector. v.1

Many people prefer to work in the public sector, rather than in the private sector. v. 1
Today, in many countries, working in a workplace, which is supported by the government, has become more secured and favourable than working in a private organisation. I personally believe that this has several advantages and that is why people select it; however, its drawbacks cannot be forgotten. To begin with, working in public sectors can have two important advantages. The first one is that working for a huge company or organisation, employers earn more nonfinancial aids than the ones working in a private sector. For instance, for those individuals working in the army in Iran, housing, accommodation or other facilities are free of charge, and even transportation costs are supported. Another benefit is that this group usually have a higher social reputation. As a prime example, a doctor practising in a public university may reach the highest level of teaching by doing research, publishing articles and participating in international symposiums and meetings; however, those working in a private hospital may not achieve such high levels of social status. Another important reason for working in a government organisation is the opportunity to serve people and the country. Clearly, preference of working in governmental jobs can have some negative consequences, and I think its influences must be counted. One important disadvantage is that businesses will become less competitive. Obviously, governmental corporations have a better financial backup than the private sectors, and if they grow more, a monopolistic competition will ruin other private small businesses. In this case, had the government of Canada given permission to the private investors to invest in medical clinics, the quality of healthcare service would have been improved far dramatically, and more investors would have competed for a more profitable business in this section. Another effect is that the governmental budget will decrease. Definitely, to run a business, local states have to spend millions of dollars to hire more employees, but if private sectors are allowed to expand more, this expenditure will dwindle far significantly. In conclusion, although working in public services might have several advantages, from my point of view, its drawbacks can be greater. This will lead private markets not being able to compete with the public ones, and the governmental expense will rise considerably.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a workplace, which
is supported
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, has become more secured and
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. I
personally
believe that this has several advantages and
that is
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
select it;
however
, its drawbacks cannot
be forgotten
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
can have two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantages. The
first
one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
, employers earn more
Possible spelling mistake found.
nonfinancial
aids than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
For instance
, for those individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the army in Iran, housing, accommodation or other facilities are free of charge, and even transportation costs
are supported
. Another benefit is that this group
usually
have a higher social reputation. As a prime example, a doctor
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
university may reach the highest level of teaching by doing research, publishing articles and participating in international symposiums and meetings;
however
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
hospital may not achieve such high levels of social status. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
is the opportunity to serve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the country.

Clearly
, preference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governmental
jobs can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
its influences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be counted
. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
disadvantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
will become less competitive.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governmental
corporations have a better financial backup than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
, and if they grow more, a monopolistic competition will ruin other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
In this case
, had the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Canada
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
permission to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
investors to invest in medical clinics, the quality of healthcare service would have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
far
dramatically
, and more investors would have competed for a more profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in this section. Another effect is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governmental
budget will decrease. Definitely, to run a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, local states
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend millions of dollars to hire more employees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to expand more, this expenditure will dwindle far
significantly
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services might have several advantages, from my point of view, its drawbacks can be greater. This will lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
markets not being able to compete with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governmental
expense will rise
considerably
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many people prefer to work in the public sector, rather than in the private sector. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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