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The first chart shows the population of England and Wales between 1700 and 2000. The second chart gives information about the birth and death rate in the same countried in the same period. v.1

The first chart shows the population of England and Wales between 1700 and 2000. The second chart gives information about the birth and death rate in the same countried in the same period. v. 1
It is argued that at present many juveniles prefer to spend more time with their peers than their parents. The main reason for this trend is the age gap, and I do not think that mothers and fathers should compel their children to spend more time at home because it can develop a sense of resentment amongst children. When children reach their adolescence, their thinking and preferences often change. Consequently, they and their parents fail to agree upon most things. They may feel that their guardians are old-fashioned and do not share any common interest with them. As a result, they find it boring to spend time with them and instead choose to hang out with their friends because they may share various common likes. Additionally, a few young people reside in hostels with their friends while studying in universities away from their parents, and sometimes, they may become used to spending all the time with their roommates. As a result, they do not give much preference to be at home. If children are enforced to spend more time at home, this practice can create bitterness in their minds against their parents. This is because many young people do not like to be controlled and forced to listen to edifications by their elders. If they are restrained, it may result in them becoming ill- mannered. For example, studies have shown that children who are grounded by their parents are more likely to show unpredictable / aggressive behaviour. However, parents can engage themselves in some kind of activities that their children like such as watching their favourite TV shows with them to motivate them to spend time at home. In conclusion, many young adults choose to spend less time with their families because of age difference and uncommon preferences / interests. I believe that youngsters should not be made to spend more time at home because they can develop disruptive behaviour.
It
is argued
that at present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
juveniles prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their peers than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The main reason for this trend is the age gap, and I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that mothers and fathers should compel their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can develop a sense of resentment amongst children.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
reach their adolescence, their thinking and preferences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Consequently
, they and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
upon most things. They may feel that their guardians are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned and do not share any common interest with them.
As a result
, they find it boring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them and
instead
choose to hang out with their friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may share various common likes.
Additionally
, a few young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reside in hostels with their friends while studying in universities away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they may become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spending all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their roommates.
As a result
, they do not give much preference to be at home.

If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are enforced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home, this practice can create bitterness in their minds against their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not like to
be controlled
and forced to listen to
Possible spelling mistake found.
edifications
by their elders. If they
are restrained
, it may result in them becoming ill- mannered.
For example
, studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are grounded
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
unpredictable / aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can engage themselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of activities that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like such as watching their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
with them to motivate them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young adults choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of age difference and uncommon preferences / interests. I believe that youngsters should not
be made
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can develop disruptive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay The first chart shows the population of England and Wales between 1700 and 2000. The second chart gives information about the birth and death rate in the same countried in the same period. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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