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The first chart below shows the resuluts of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100, 000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98, The second chart shows their destinations over the same period. v.1

The first chart below shows the resuluts of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100, 000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98, The second chart shows their destinations over the same period. v. 1
It is true that some languages are currently on the verge of extinction. One school of thought suggests that governments should allocate some budget to preserve these languages, while others and I believe that such attempts are a waste of money. There are several reasons why some endangered languages are considered not worth saving. Firstly, the cost of saving languages will certainly cost a large amount of money and a few people particularly can get benefit from them. After that, it leads the growth of financial burden on its nation. Therefore, governments should invest more funds to other important matters, including education, public transport and health because they can certainly save many lives. Moreover, it might be ineffective even if the government makes a lot of effort for saving less widely languages. The lack of willingness to study for a reason, it might be impractical for them. I believe that, the government should not encourage people to learn if they not willing to. Thus, they should focus on improving important sectors. However, a language is much more than simply a means of communication, behind the language itself, there is culture, custom and tradition related to it. If an endangered language become extinct, then it means that its cultural identity may disappear and also knowledge about its civilization remains unknown. By spending money on minority language preservation, a vast amount of cultural heritages can be saved in the meantime. In conclusion, while it is true that saving local languages is crucial for some people, in my opinion, it is more important for the government to invest in essential services like health and education.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are
currently
on the verge of extinction. One school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
budget to preserve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, while others and I believe that such attempts are a waste of money.

There are several reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are considered
not worth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
.
Firstly
, the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
will
certainly
cost a large amount of money and a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
particularly
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit from them. After that, it leads the growth of financial burden on its nation.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should invest more funds to other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
matters, including education, public transport and health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
certainly
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
, it might be ineffective even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
less
widely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. The lack of willingness to study for a reason, it might be impractical for them. I believe that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to learn if
Did you mean "they're not willing", "they are not willing", or "they were not willing"?
they not willing
to.
Thus
, they should focus on improving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sectors.

However
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is much more than
simply
a means of communication, behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
itself, there is culture, custom and tradition related to it. If an endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
become extinct, then it means that its cultural identity may disappear and
also
knowledge about its civilization remains unknown. By spending money on minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
preservation, a vast amount of cultural heritages can
be saved
in the meantime.

In conclusion
, while it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is crucial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, in my opinion, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to invest in essential services like health and education.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The first chart below shows the resuluts of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100, 000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98, The second chart shows their destinations over the same period. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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