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In many countries, workers over 60 can still be found in the workplace. However, some people think that this may cause social problems and they should be retired. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In many countries, workers over 60 can still be found in the workplace. However, some people think that this may cause social problems and they should be retired. v. 1
In many parts of the world, employees that have crossed the age of 60 are still employed and are part of the workforce. It is a belief amongst a few individuals that cultural issues happen due to late retirement. In my opinion, people should not push themselves to work after the age of 60. In my upcomming essay I will elaborate more on why 60 should be the maximum age limit to work. Firstly, people who are still working after the age of 60, are usually burdon to the society. They are the root to alot of social problems without knowing about it. For instance, as soon as someone retires from a job, a fresh, young energetic individual will take his or her position. With that job he or she can start a new life, get married have kids etc. This helps society to grow and reduces the negative preasure on our social system. Secondly, God didnot make us to work our entire life. Elderly people must not exceed work after they reach 60 years of age. Furthermore, this will give them more time to spend with their kids or grandkids, and obviously add years to their life. Another compelling reason is that retirement at the right age paves the way for new generation to practice their curriers. Moreover, elderly people who still work are more prone to work related accidents. In fact, their recovery time from an accident increases due to age. For example, In indonesia rice pickers are still working at the age of 70. A lot of them are victums of back injury and other ergonomic related problems. In Conclusion, I honestly believe that social and cultural problems from our society can be eliminated, if workers are retired at the age of 60 years. This will give more time to the elderly to spend with their families and community, Hence removing social issues from the society.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world, employees that have crossed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 are
still
employed and are part of the workforce. It is a belief amongst a few individuals that cultural issues happen due to late retirement. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not push themselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60. In my
Possible spelling mistake found.
upcomming
essay I will elaborate more on why 60 should be the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit to work.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
still
working after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60, are
usually
Possible spelling mistake found.
burdon
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. They are the root to
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems without knowing about it.
For instance
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as someone retires from a job, a fresh, young energetic individual will take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
position. With that job he or she can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married have kids etc. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to grow and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake found.
preasure
on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
system.

Secondly
, God
Possible spelling mistake found.
didnot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
our entire life. Elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not exceed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after they reach 60 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Furthermore
, this will give them more time to spend with their kids or
Possible spelling mistake found.
grandkids
, and
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
years to their life. Another compelling reason is that retirement at the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
paves the way for new generation to practice their
Possible spelling mistake found.
curriers
.
Moreover
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are more prone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
related accidents. In fact, their recovery time from an accident increases due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
For example
, In
Possible spelling mistake found.
indonesia
rice pickers are
still
working at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 70.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
them are
Possible spelling mistake found.
victums
of back injury and other ergonomic related problems.

In Conclusion
, I
honestly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and cultural problems from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can
be eliminated
, if workers
are retired
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 years. This will give more time to the elderly to spend with their families and community,
Hence
removing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, workers over 60 can still be found in the workplace. However, some people think that this may cause social problems and they should be retired. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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