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Nowadays many people choose to be self employed rather than to work for a company or organisation Why might this be the case What could be the disadvantages of being self employed v.2

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed rather than to work for a company or organisation Why might this be the case What could be the disadvantages of being self employed v. 2
Currently employment options can be diverse from area to area. Self-employment is the rising trend among most people nowadays rather than be employed in a company or an organization. This essay will discuss why this trend is becoming popular, while pointing out the down sides of self-employment. Most people argue that this trend have many plus sides than working for an employer. People chose this option not only because it is higher in profit and income than the salary, they get from a potential employer but also the freedom they have and more quality time they can spend with their family. Moreover, he can be whatever he likes when self-employed, either selling his skills as a service or as a retail store owner. As an example, motor mechanics likes to work independent and usually open service shops in their garage, this would help them to stop work at any time while spending the time with their family. But nowadays this will not be the best option. While linking to the first example I made, we can highlight several disadvantages that can make people rethink about this trend. First of all, while most technology embedded vehicles are rapidly improving, the technical person who do the maintenance and troubleshooting also need to be updated and also people tend to look for certified service centers so business not always be stable. Secondly, concentration you have to put on to the business can be disturbed while with the family. So, in summary becoming self-employed will not be stable as being employed, because mainly your income will be not stable and skill improvements can be in doubt.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
employment options can be diverse from area to area. Self-employment is the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
among most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
rather
than
be employed
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or an organization. This essay will discuss why this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is becoming popular, while pointing out the
Did you mean "downsides"?
down sides
of self-employment.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
plus sides than working for an employer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
chose this option not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is higher in profit and income than the salary, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from a potential employer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the freedom they have and more quality time they can spend with their family.
Moreover
, he can be whatever he likes when self-employed, either selling his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as a service or as a retail store owner. As an example, motor mechanics likes to work independent and
usually
open service shops in their garage, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
work at any time while spending the time with their family.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays this will not be the best option. While linking to the
first
example I made, we can highlight several disadvantages that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rethink about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, while most technology embedded vehicles are
rapidly
improving, the technical person who do the maintenance and troubleshooting
also
need to
be updated
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to look for certified service centers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
business not always be stable.
Secondly
, concentration you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put on to the business can
be disturbed
while with the family.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in summary becoming self-employed will not be stable as
being employed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
mainly
your income will be not stable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
improvements can be in doubt.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self employed rather than to work for a company or organisation Why might this be the case What could be the disadvantages of being self employed v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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