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the economic growth in developing and developed countries is making people richer. However the researches indicates that people in developing countries is happier than people in developed countries. what is your opinion? v.2

the economic growth in developing and developed countries is making people richer. However the researches indicates that people in developing countries is happier than people in developed countries. what is your opinion? v. 2
Even though by altering the economical conditions, folk in all over the world get richer, but researchers claimed that whom are in developing countries are happier than others in developed ones. Although, initially, it may seem simple, writing about this complex and controversial subject is not very convenient. Because in which multifarious criteria come together as affecting agents. While some people might allegate that people in developed countries are more satisfied, but to me having more satisfication in developing countries does make more sense. To illustrate my perspective of the topic, I will vindicate my reasons in the following essay. The first dimension worthy to point out is the difference between the poor condition of life and relative welfare condition, in comparison to good and better one. In first situation which is common in developing societies, the standard of people' s life is most of the times below the global standards, and revise it to a better one gain a immense amount of happiness and hope. but in the other hand, when conditions are good enough, make the better one, doesn' t give extra hope and happiness. Even it maybe cause sadness. because they might be overthink about everything and this, may cause depression. Despite having money and being reach is all everyone wants, but it is an indisputable fact that money is not everything. I approaching this issue, apart from the fact mentioned above, one should consider another subtle point meticulously that sometimes for earning more money human beings should work a lot and maybe the outcome of comfortability in life doesn' t outweigh the effort. In this case it can be examplified that for having a better economic condition, occupations should have work harder and this means having more money but not having enough time to enjoy it. So it can be reiterated that by concidering the coincidence of the two presented reasons before, Although the effect amplitude of the topic varies a lot, but it seems what researchers declared before is reasonable.
Even though
by altering the
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
conditions, folk in all over the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
richer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
researchers claimed that whom are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are happier than others in developed ones. Although,
initially
, it may seem simple, writing about this complex and controversial subject is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
in which multifarious criteria
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together as affecting agents.

While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might
Possible spelling mistake found.
allegate
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
are more satisfied,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
satisfication
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more sense. To illustrate my perspective of the topic, I will vindicate my reasons in the following essay.

The
first
dimension worthy to point out is the difference between the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
of life and relative welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
,
in comparison
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
one. In
first
situation which is common in developing societies, the standard of
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s life is
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
below the global standards, and revise it to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
one gain
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
immense amount of happiness and hope.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
in the other hand, when conditions are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
one,
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t give extra hope and happiness. Even it maybe cause sadness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
they might be overthink about everything and this, may cause depression.

Despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and being reach is all everyone wants,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is an indisputable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not everything.

Did you mean "I'm approaching", "I am approaching", or "I was approaching"?
I approaching
this issue, apart from the fact mentioned above, one should consider another subtle point
meticulously
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
for earning more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
human beings should work a lot and maybe the outcome of
Possible spelling mistake found.
comfortability
in life
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t outweigh the effort.
In this case
it can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplified
that for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
, occupations should have work harder and this means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to enjoy it.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it can
be reiterated
that by
Possible spelling mistake found.
concidering
the coincidence of the two presented reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, Although the effect amplitude of the topic varies a lot,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it seems what researchers declared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
is reasonable.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay the economic growth in developing and developed countries is making people richer. However the researches indicates that people in developing countries is happier than people in developed countries. what is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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