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The diagrams below show two stages in the development of the mobile phone. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The diagrams below show two stages in the development of the mobile phone.
In recent times, there has been a high interest in knowing more about other nations, while some people think that a good way to learn about other places is through travelling there, others view this as unnecessary and state that it is possible to learn about other places through the internet and television. In my opinion, I consider visiting other countries a more effective way to learn about their way of life. On the one hand, some people believe that when people travel to other countries, they have a first-hand knowledge about the people and I agree. In other words, you have the opportunity to meet people who are sometimes entirely different from what you are familiar with and you are able to interact, understand their beliefs and values and even build personal relationships that last long into the future. For example, I visited my dream tour country- France last year and I literally experienced a different environment, enjoyed the traditional food and saw the country different from I what I thought it was. This entirely changed my mindset about the French people. On the other hand, others say that everything about a society can be learnt through television and the internet. They explain that everything about the world is available through social media and knowing about any nation of interest is easy today without having to travel there. To expatiate, they believe that through the internet, television documentaries and programs, you can understand the culture of a nation. For instance, online application has made it easy to connect with people in other environments and through video calls and online chats, you can meet and share experiences with people from different societies. In conclusion, though people vary in the view about the need to travel to other society to know more about them, I strongly believe that the most effective way to learn, experience and appreciate other countries is by visiting and experiencing these societies.
In recent times, there has been a high interest in knowing more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
travelling there, others view this as unnecessary and state that it is possible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the internet and television. In my opinion, I consider visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
a more effective way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about their way of life.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they have a
first
-hand knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, you have the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
entirely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from what you are familiar with and you are able to interact, understand their beliefs and values and even build personal relationships that last long into the future.
For example
, I visited my dream tour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country-
France last year and I
literally
experienced a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
environment, enjoyed the traditional food and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from I what I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
it was. This
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my mindset about the French
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others say that everything about a society can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
television and the internet. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that everything about the world is available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
social media and knowing about any nation of interest is easy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
without having to travel there. To expatiate, they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the internet, television documentaries and programs, you can understand the culture of a nation.
For instance
, online application has made it easy to connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
environments and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
video calls and online chats, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and share experiences with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
societies.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
vary in the view about the need to travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
society to know more about them, I
strongly
believe that the most effective way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
, experience and appreciate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is by visiting and experiencing these societies.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagrams below show two stages in the development of the mobile phone.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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