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the diagrams show how the bee makes honey, and the stages in the production of honey. summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features. v.1

the diagrams show how the bee makes honey, and the stages in the production of honey.
There is no doubt that environmental issues are the bone of concern for today’s world and various detrimental effects has been witnessed by the modern society. The big question here is whether individual countries or the world as a whole should come forward to deal with this crisis efficiently. I think since all individuals together make a nation, individual contribution is the call of the hour. To begin with, a single individual can have the power to bring a change. Firstly, a person who is well educated and concerned about the world can teach and inspire others to save the environment. For instance, if an elder of a family inculcate the importance of planting trees, keeping the home clean with his children, they will also definitely try to follow the same nature which encourage the whole family to contribute effectively to the nature. Thus, since the human nature and behaviour is highly communicable, the same logic applies on bigger scale also, a single person can inspire a family, a single family can encourage other families to solve environmental issues and so on. Moreover, A feeling of competitiveness also plays a vital role in encouraging others to adopt best practices. To exemplify, if a city is developing fast and achieved the title of the cleanest city, other cities will also strive to achieve the same. This phenomenon applies to all cities, states, and country levels, thus making the whole nation concern and competitive to save the environment. This show how a simple contribution and concerns to solve environmental problems can work to achieve a global success. To conclude, although environmental issues are a global problem, dealing in part by part or individually by each country is an efficient method to achieve global success. Thus, I firmly believe that it will produce better and efficient output if the individuals fulfil their responsibilities towards the nature instead of depending on any global body to work globally.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues are the bone of concern for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world and various detrimental effects has
been witnessed
by the modern society. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
question here is whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
countries or the world as a whole should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to deal with this crisis
efficiently
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
since all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
together
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a nation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
contribution is the call of the hour.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can have the power to bring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Firstly
, a person who is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and concerned about the world can teach and inspire others to save the environment.
For instance
, if an elder of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
inculcate the importance of planting trees, keeping the home clean with his children, they will
also
definitely try to follow the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
which encourage the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to contribute
effectively
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
.
Thus
, since the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
highly
communicable, the same logic applies on bigger scale
also
, a single person can inspire a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Moreover
, A feeling of competitiveness
also
plays a vital role in encouraging others to adopt best practices. To exemplify, if a city is developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and achieved the title of the cleanest city,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will
also
strive to achieve the same. This phenomenon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, states, and country levels,
thus
making the whole nation concern and competitive to save the environment. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how a simple contribution and concerns to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
problems can work to achieve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
success.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
problem, dealing in part by part or
individually
by each country is an efficient method to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
success.
Thus
, I
firmly
believe that it will produce better and efficient output if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
fulfil their responsibilities towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
instead
of depending on any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
body to work globally.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay the diagrams show how the bee makes honey, and the stages in the production of honey.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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