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Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family thant eating out in restaurants or canteens. do you agree or disagree? v.2

Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family thant eating out in restaurants or canteens. v. 2
While gap years are increasingly popular, they continue to be rather controversial because the benefits are hard to quantify exactly. There are arguments on both sides of this very topical debate, and I will discuss them now. On the one hand, opponents of gap years point to the cost involved in areas such as air fares, accommodation and living expenses. All this money has to come from the student’s family, or even from borrowing to be paid later. Secondly, it is often said that gap years take a young person’s focus away from studying, and allows them to get involved in distractions such as travelling. This can make it hard to adjust to university life, damaging the student’s performance. Finally, there is a concern over the safety of young people if they are travelling to remote places. Being kidnapped or mugged is a poor start to an academic career, after all. On the other hand, supporters of gap years say that the skills learned outweigh the disadvantages. They highlight the independence and assertiveness that a student will acquire, in areas such as time management and interpersonal skills. They also say that these skills lead to greater career success later in life, thus cancelling out the costs involved. Furthermore, there are many examples of young people using gap years to achieve something significant, whether in voluntary work or in a sector of business that interests them. In conclusion, my own feeling is that a year off can indeed be a useful activity, with the experience leading to improved skills that are invaluable in the future. Of course, this is provided that the year is planned carefully and used for something genuinely worthwhile.
While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
years are
increasingly
popular, they continue to be
rather
controversial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the benefits are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to quantify exactly. There are arguments on both sides of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
topical debate, and I will discuss them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the one hand, opponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
years point to the cost involved in areas such as air fares, accommodation and living expenses. All this money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the student’s family, or even from borrowing to
be paid
later.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
years take a young person’s focus away from studying, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in distractions such as travelling. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to adjust to university life, damaging the student’s performance.
Finally
, there is a concern over the safety of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
if they are travelling to remote places.
Being kidnapped
or mugged is a poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to an academic career,
after all
.

On the other hand
, supporters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
years say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
learned
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to outweigh"
outweigh
the disadvantages. They highlight the independence and assertiveness that a student will acquire, in areas such as time management and interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. They
also
say that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
lead to greater career success later in life,
thus
cancelling out the costs involved.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
years to achieve something significant, whether in voluntary work or in a sector of business that interests them.

In conclusion
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feeling is that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off can
indeed
be a useful activity, with the experience leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that are invaluable in the future.
Of course
, this
is provided
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
is planned
carefully
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for something
genuinely
worthwhile.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family thant eating out in restaurants or canteens. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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