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The diagrams below show the existing ground floor plan of a house and a proposed plan for some building work v.1

The diagrams below show the existing ground floor plan of a house and a proposed plan for some building work v. 1
It is often observed in many countries children act misbehaviour in their school. Many reasons of it is clear, and I will briefly suggest some solutions in this essay. The kids who are age group between 7-17 mostly in a bad way explanation in the schools. That is the reason of it, in adolescence, many hormone levels are high in order to fix their body. Thus, they cannot control their emotions and not know about limitation of social treatments. Due to over stressed pupils can hit each other or talk with slugs. For example, in a local survey is considered about one of the hormones testosterone in male is the main result of being nervous. That is to say, the teenager, sometime can not deal with it in order to keep healthy. The men are angrier than women by how hormones. I suggest that some teacher should take care of students just physiological situation to reduce bad manner. On the other hand, many parents cannot spend time to raise kind their pupils. Meanwhile, they cannot learn anything from parents, so they fell so lonely and they cannot live as a child. To take more responsibility causes stress and bad manner of growing kids. Another measure of it, it can be part time working with one of the parents, so quality time with pupils should decrease their problems in the social life, particularly in schools. For instance, some teacher who has educated kinder garden, keep an eye on only more nervous kids to adjust others. When they keep a healthy connection, all students have will be calm, relax, tolerant. It is a straightforward measure, however the lecturers, says that the most reasonable precaution. In conclusion, I restate that teenager can be stressful or angry about life or parents by reflecting to the school. Meanwhile, two precautions should be exactly beneficial to increase wellbeing manner. To advice teacher's meticulous caring with spending quality time with family. To finally, I completely believe these solutions.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries children act
Possible spelling mistake. 'misbehaviour' is British English.
misbehaviour
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
reasons of it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, and I will
briefly
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions in this essay.

The kids who are age group between 7-17
mostly
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way explanation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
That is
the reason of it, in adolescence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hormone levels are high in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their body.
Thus
, they cannot control their emotions and not know about limitation of social treatments. Due to over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
pupils can hit each other or talk with slugs.
For example
, in a local survey is
Did you mean simply "considered one"? You do not need the word "about" here.
considered about one
of the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "hormones'" or "hormone's"?
hormones
testosterone in male is the main result of being nervous.
That is
to say, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
, sometime can not deal with it in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
healthy. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are angrier than women by how hormones. I suggest that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teacher should take care of students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
physiological situation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
manner.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to raise kind their pupils. Meanwhile, they cannot learn anything from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they fell
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lonely and
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as a child. To take more responsibility causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
manner of growing kids. Another measure of it, it can be part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
working with one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with pupils should decrease their problems in the social life,
particularly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teacher who has educated kinder garden,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
more nervous kids to adjust others. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a healthy connection, all students have will be calm, relax, tolerant. It is a straightforward measure,
however
the lecturers, says that the most reasonable precaution.

In conclusion
, I restate that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
can be stressful or angry about life or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
by reflecting to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Meanwhile, two precautions should be exactly beneficial to increase
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
manner. To advice teacher's meticulous caring with spending quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family. To
finally
, I completely believe these solutions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay The diagrams below show the existing ground floor plan of a house and a proposed plan for some building work v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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