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The diagram below shows the development a small fishing village and its surrounding area into a large European tourist resort. v.1

The diagram below shows the development a small fishing village and its surrounding area into a large European tourist resort. v. 1
It is certainly true that teachers in elementary school have a different way of teaching, this virtually depends on the general vision for each education system. So that, although some views believe that making a competition among students is very useful way of learning, others convinced that collaboration would work more effectively. This essay will discuss and give reasons to both sides of view. First and foremost, many teachers strongly believe that competition between students have brought a long-term benefit. One such benefit is improving creativity alongside with fostering their imagination in order to help them create ideas easily with the instance. One evidence of that, children in competition resort to thinking more deeply in the light of urgent circumstances, this absolutely leads to optimize their results. Furthermore, teachers encourage competition to divide students in levels based on their capability. One reason for that is making a well-suitable plan to improve students’ skills and abilities to reach toward better level. In other side, it can be argued that there are a great number of teachers sceptical about competitive teaching methods. This is because, they in favour of corporation methods which promote sharing more information and knowledge as well as making the students’ levels closer and nearer. Moreover, surveys emphasize that students who taught collectively rather than competitively have a strong personality and more self confidence owing to their ability of thinking more clearly and subjectively valued. In conclusion, opinion is divided on this contentious issue, but in my perspective, even though a sense of competition in specific cases could be considered motivated, it can lead a detrimental effect on students’ characters and also it may lead to a catastrophic situation when they become adults at least until a regulated an coordinated competitive system is set up, because it lead to bullying from arrogant students.
It is
certainly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in elementary school have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way of teaching, this
virtually
depends on the general vision for each education system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
views believe that making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful way of learning, others convinced that collaboration would work more
effectively
. This essay will discuss and give reasons to both sides of view.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have brought a long-term benefit. One such benefit is improving creativity alongside with fostering their imagination in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
easily
with the instance. One evidence of that, children in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
resort to thinking more
deeply
in the light of urgent circumstances, this
absolutely
leads to optimize their results.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
to divide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in levels based on their capability. One reason for
that is
making a well-suitable plan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities to reach toward better level.

In other side, it can
be argued
that there are a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptical' is British English.
sceptical
about competitive teaching methods. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of corporation methods which promote sharing more information and knowledge
as well
as making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
levels closer and nearer.
Moreover
, surveys emphasize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who taught
collectively
rather
than
competitively
have a strong personality and more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
owing to their ability of thinking more
clearly
and
subjectively
valued.

In conclusion
, opinion
is divided
on this contentious issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my perspective,
even though
a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in specific cases could
be considered
motivated, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
characters and
also
it may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to a catastrophic situation when they become adults at least until a regulated
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
coordinated competitive system
is set
up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to bullying from arrogant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram below shows the development a small fishing village and its surrounding area into a large European tourist resort. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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