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Briefly summarize the problem the students are discussion. Then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v.1

Briefly summarize the problem the students are discussion. Then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 1
Many people think that the punishment of the children is the best way to teach them to be a good person. This essay disagrees with this, because the children who was punished when they was young, they may grow up with a depression. A better way to teach them is giving the love and talk what the true and false. Initially, the punishment is the popular kind to teach the children in many countries, but it is not a good way to teach them. If the children was punished, then they will punish their children in the future too. Furthermore, the psychological studies reported that the children who be punished, they have the most probability to be a depression, and in some case can have a suicide. My online friend, for example, her mother hit her every morning, when she was young. This affect to her at present, she has a depression while she was only 13 years old. This is a clear example that the punishment is a bad choice. In contrast, the love and talking is better. The teachers and parents can give some hug to let their child know about the love, they will receive and give the love to the other people too. If they are angry or annoying, moreover, the hug method is not positive effect, the parents should be calm and let them alone just a moment. But during that time the parents have to stand near by them until they can control their emotions. After that, the parents should talk with them about the cause and reason why you have to let them calm down with their self, and also demonstrated the right and wrong things. For instance, the Broken series in Thailand, it is relevant to the student who has a problem from the parents divorce. The teacher, Kru Sai is a psychologist, use these methods (separate the angry children, and give a hug to them) then the children can control their emotions more than the past. In conclusion, the children who be punished may be a good or bad person. Even the most of people opine that is a right way, but the punishment can cause the depression too. From those examples above, I agree with the other way, such as a hug and love, is a better way to teach them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person. This essay disagrees with this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
when they
Use third-person plural verb with 'they': "are", "were".
was
young, they may grow up with a depression. A better way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them is giving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and talk what the true and false.

Initially
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is the popular kind to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
, then they will punish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the future too.
Furthermore
, the psychological studies reported that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
, they have the most probability to be a depression, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case can have a suicide. My online friend,
for example
, her mother hit her every morning, when she was young. This affect to her at present, she has a depression while she was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
13 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
choice.

In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and talking is better. The teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hug to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their child know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
, they will receive and give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
to the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
too. If they are angry or annoying,
moreover
, the hug method is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be calm and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a moment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
during that time the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stand
Did you mean "nearby"?
near by
them until they can control their emotions. After that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should talk with them about the cause and reason why you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them calm down with their self, and
also
demonstrated the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things.
For instance
, the Broken series in Thailand, it is relevant to the student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a problem from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
divorce. The teacher,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kru
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sai
is a psychologist,
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "uses".
use
these methods (separate the angry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and give a hug to them) then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can control their emotions more than the past.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punished
may be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
person. Even the most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine
that is
a right way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
can cause the depression too. From those examples above, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the other way, such as a hug and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
, is a better way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Briefly summarize the problem the students are discussion. Then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
391 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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