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The diagram below shows the production of steam using a gas cooled nuclear reactor Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The diagram below shows the production of steam using a gas cooled nuclear reactor
It is often thought by some that technologies, which are now made to watch what people say or do through their phones that are used to track them or security cameras, are better to be monitoring individuals without their knowledge, while others think it is better for them to be aware of this monitoring. I believe it is best for them to be unaware because of safety reasons and having a normal life. Despite the drawbacks below, I think the advantages of individuals to be unaware that they are monitored are more important. Firstly, we will have more security and safety in our lives and society when they are unaware, that is because in that way, we will have more chance to detect any possible crimes and prevent it from happening. A murderer, for instance, who is waiting outside someone's house with his knife and suspecious clothing will be detected by the security cameras that are on the street. Secondly, it is of the good of people to be not aware because this is the only way they can act normal in their lives and live it freely without any worries that they are watched all the times. Without this feeling of freedom, it will very disturbing for them to know they are being watched and tracked twenty four hours a day. Admittedly, there could be some disadvantages to track others without their knowledge. One problem is that there will be no privacy for them, the reason behind that is everything is recorded. Take China, for example, they record every single movement and talk of any individual who lives in a city. Which means, that would leave him or her with no big room for a private life. Furthermore, another possible issue is that could cost a government body a load of unnecessary data wasting, which are used to record everything. Moreover, a lot of money will be needed for this development, which is for the devices that register all the information and all the workers who are working on this tracking. In conclusion, I believe security reasons and living a life normally and freely far outwighs any possible negative aspects.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that technologies, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
made to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say or do through their phones that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
them or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
cameras, are better to be monitoring individuals without their knowledge, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is better for them to be aware of this monitoring. I believe it is best for them to be unaware
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of safety reasons and having a normal life.

Despite the drawbacks below, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the advantages of individuals to be unaware that they
are monitored
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Firstly
, we will have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
and safety in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and society when they are unaware,
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in that way, we will have more chance to detect any possible crimes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it from happening. A murderer,
for instance
, who is waiting outside someone's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with his knife and
Possible spelling mistake found.
suspecious
clothing will
be detected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
cameras that are on the street.
Secondly
, it is of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be not aware
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way they can act normal in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
it
freely
without any worries that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
all the times. Without this feeling of freedom, it will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
disturbing for them to know they are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracked
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty four
hours a day.

Admittedly
, there could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
others without their knowledge. One problem is that there will be no privacy for them, the reason behind
that is
everything
is recorded
. Take China,
for example
, they record every single movement and talk of any individual who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in a city. Which means, that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
him or her with no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
room for a private life.
Furthermore
, another possible issue is that could cost a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
body a load of unnecessary data wasting, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to record everything.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money will
be needed
for this development, which is for the devices that register all the information and all the workers who are working on this tracking.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
reasons and living a life
normally
and
freely
far
Possible spelling mistake found.
outwighs
any possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram below shows the production of steam using a gas cooled nuclear reactor

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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