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The diagram below shows the percentage of share of total world production of wheat by Asia Europe and other part of the world from the years 1840 to 2000 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where rel v.1

The diagram below shows the percentage of share of total world production of wheat by Asia Europe and other part of the world from the years 1840 to 2000
It is true that crime causes a lot of chaos and damage all over the world. While some people argue that it is impossible to do anything to prevent illegal acts, I completely disagree with this opinion. Firstly, I believe that effective vocational education would be one of the feasible solutions to prevent crime as this helps young people and adolescents stay focused on career development, and strengthen their intellectual abilities and self-esteem. Besides, after those training services, the government needs to provide practical and direct assistance to enable the graduates to find relevant jobs. Once civilians are able to live on their own with a salary high enough to meet their basic needs, they are less likely to commit a crime. For example, for many years, a vocational college in a small town in northern Vietnam has been providing free-of-charge occupational training for adolescents in poor families and helping them seek employment after completing their training courses. Data has shown that the number of criminals among these graduates is minimal. Another remedy to prevent potential criminals is to foster links between the police and communities. Those connections help to ensuring community security as well as precautionary measures against such crimes as robberies, burglaries, homicides and drug deals. Also, they may focus on young people who have dropped out of school and those who have released back into society after serving their jail sentences. This is to make sure they would live as law-abiding citizens. For instance, my friend’s brother, who has just come back home after his seven-year sentence, has recently been supported by the police patrol his residential area to well reintegrate into the community and embark on a new career. And now he is one of the most enthusiastic inhabitants in his area who participate in guarding over the streets during the night. In conclusion, in order to minimize the risks of social wreckage that might be caused by crimes, I firmly believe that proactive preventive measures should be carried out in society.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
chaos and damage all over the world. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it is impossible to do anything to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illegal acts, I completely disagree with this opinion.

Firstly
, I believe that effective vocational education would be one of the feasible solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and adolescents stay focused on career development, and strengthen their intellectual abilities and self-esteem.
Besides
, after those training services, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to provide practical and direct assistance to enable the graduates to find relevant jobs. Once civilians are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
with a salary high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs, they are less likely to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For example
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, a vocational college in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town in northern Vietnam has been providing free-of-charge occupational training for adolescents in poor families and helping them seek employment after completing their training courses. Data has shown that the number of criminals among these graduates is minimal.

Another remedy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
potential criminals is to foster links between the police and communities. Those connections
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to ensuring community security
as well
as precautionary measures against such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
as robberies, burglaries, homicides and drug deals.
Also
, they may focus on young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have dropped out of school and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have released back into society after serving their jail sentences. This is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as law-abiding citizens.
For instance
, my friend’s brother,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back home after his seven-year sentence, has recently
been supported
by the police patrol his residential area to well reintegrate into the community and embark on a new career. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is one of the most enthusiastic inhabitants in his area
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participate in guarding over the streets during the night.

In conclusion
, in order to minimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of social wreckage that might
be caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, I
firmly
believe that proactive preventive measures should
be carried
out in society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The diagram below shows the percentage of share of total world production of wheat by Asia Europe and other part of the world from the years 1840 to 2000

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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