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The graph below shows the sales of children s books adult fiction and educational books between 2002 and 2006 in one country v.1

The graph below shows the sales of children s books adult fiction and educational books between 2002 and 2006 in one country v. 1
It is undoubtedly true that some of our activities have a harmful effect on our planet. While some people believe that nothing can be done to solve the negative impact of human activity on the wildlife, I strongly argue that several measures can be taken to solve the problem. To begin with, some people think that playing sports is just one of many activities which can be done in their past time in order to remain healthy. In fact, playing sports frequently may help individuals to keep a well-proportioned body and prevent from suffering dangerous diseases such as cancer and heart attack. For example, by spending at least half an hour every day on jogging, I can enhance my stamina as well as my flexibility, which results in the more effective daily work and study. Nevertheless, I insist that there are many measures that governments and individuals can take to stop the negative effect that our activities have on our planet. First of all, governments around the world must come together to address the issue of deforestation. This is because it is the main cause of the disappearance of endangered species. For example, the South African government outlawed deforestation in 2015 and since then the results have been impressive as many species have been saved from extinction and soil erosion has been stopped. As a result, the endangered species now have no disruption in their habitats and the production of crops has increased. Individuals can also spread awareness about the destructive effect that some of our activities have on the planet. Obviously there are still many more things that we can do to address the issue. To sum up, I definitely maintain that governments and individuals can do several things to stop human activity that has damaging effects on our planet. Outlawing deforestation and spreading awareness amongst people about the need to protect wildlife are the actions that need to be taken.
It is
undoubtedly
true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have a harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that nothing can
be done
to solve the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
on the wildlife, I
strongly
argue that several measures can
be taken
to solve the problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that playing sports is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which can
be done
in their
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
in order to remain healthy. In fact, playing sports
frequently
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a well-proportioned body and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from suffering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases such as cancer and heart attack.
For example
, by spending at least half an hour every day on jogging, I can enhance my stamina
as well
as my flexibility, which results in the more effective daily work and study.

Nevertheless
, I insist that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
measures that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can take to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together to address the issue of deforestation. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the main cause of the disappearance of endangered species.
For example
, the South African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
outlawed deforestation in 2015 and since then the results have been impressive as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species have
been saved
from extinction and soil erosion has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
.
As a result
, the endangered species
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have no disruption in their habitats and the production of crops has increased.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
can
also
spread awareness about the destructive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
.
Obviously
there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more things that we can do to address the issue.

To sum up, I definitely maintain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can do several things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that has damaging effects on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
. Outlawing deforestation and spreading awareness amongst
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the need to protect wildlife are the actions that need to
be taken
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay The graph below shows the sales of children s books adult fiction and educational books between 2002 and 2006 in one country v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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