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The diagram below shows the number of shoppers who visited a new shopping complex in its first year of operation and the estimated number of shoppers over the same period. Below the diagram, there are two charts, which show the sales at the centre in the v.1

The diagram below shows the number of shoppers who visited a new shopping complex in its first year of operation and the estimated number of shoppers over the same period. Below the diagram, there are two charts, which show the sales at the centre in the v. 1
With each passing day, environmental pollution is becoming a hazard globally. Many people believe that the government should hold the responsibility to protect it. I am inclined to agree; however, my support is with the stipulation that individuals should also collaborate with the government in saving the environment from disastrous catastrophes. People who think that the administrative bodies of the countries should work in unity to stop detrimental environmental changes are fair to keep this concept. The reason for this seems to be that the government can work on a larger scale and can provide funds needed to invest for this purpose. For instance, the authorities can shift big industries to the countryside for the protection of urban people, who are continuously exposed to dangerous gases emitted from these factories. Additionally, the government can encourage local people to run the campaign for large-scale plantations in the country. The government can also mount television programs for awareness of people about the harmful effects of pollution and solutions regarding this problem. However, those who claim that citizens are accountable for keeping their environment healthy are not mistaken as well. The government cannot protect such an accelerated global threat alone without contribution from everyone. Individuals can play their part by keeping their roads, parks, and other public places tidy. Furthermore, they can help in reducing air pollution by using public transport for routine work. They can also help in recycling of plastic waste. This way, every other person can put some effort by simple actions to help protect the environment. To conclude, both the government and individuals should take responsibility for environmental safety. Neither a government nor a single human being can control this all alone. We are living in an era where technological advancement has made living creatures prone to several environmental risks. Therefore, we, in agreement with our government, can make our country and our world a healthy living habitat.
With each passing day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
pollution is becoming a hazard globally.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should hold the responsibility to protect it. I
am inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
;
however
, my support is with the stipulation that individuals should
also
collaborate with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in saving the environment from disastrous catastrophes.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the administrative bodies of the countries should work in unity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
this concept. The reason for this seems to be that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can work on a larger scale and can provide funds needed to invest for this purpose.
For instance
, the authorities can shift
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
industries to the countryside for the protection of urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are
continuously
exposed to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
gases emitted from these factories.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can encourage local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to run the campaign for large-scale plantations in the country. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
also
mount television programs for awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the harmful effects of pollution and solutions regarding this problem.

However
, those who claim that citizens are accountable for keeping their environment healthy are not mistaken
as well
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot protect such an accelerated global threat alone without contribution from everyone. Individuals can play their part by keeping their roads, parks, and other public places tidy.
Furthermore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing air pollution by using public transport for routine work. They can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in recycling of plastic waste. This way, every other person can put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effort by simple actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
protect the environment.

To conclude
, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and individuals should take responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
safety. Neither a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
nor a single human being can control this all alone. We are living in an era where technological advancement has made living creatures prone to several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
Therefore
, we, in agreement with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our country and our world a healthy living habitat.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram below shows the number of shoppers who visited a new shopping complex in its first year of operation and the estimated number of shoppers over the same period. Below the diagram, there are two charts, which show the sales at the centre in the v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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