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The line graph shows Paris Metro station passengers Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The line graph shows Paris Metro station passengers
The contemporary world is surrounded by endless brands of nearly everything, naming from cars to clothing and many other items. This phenomenon has led to an increase in desire amongst an increasing number of people, to acquire famous items reflecting popular brands. I am inclined to firmly concur with this assertion, yet it in my opinion, this is a negative inculcation in the society. This essay will enclose the plausible reasons for this changing behaviour of the consumers; also will provide some convincing ideas for this negative development in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with the argument, it is irrefutable to say that our purchasing patterns are formed by advertising and social norms. This is quite evident owing to the fact that branded products reflect a higher social status. For this said reason, people make every effort to attain items indicating higher wealth. For instance, keeping a Lamborghini is not everybody's cup of tea because it incurs an extremely high cost. As a result, it is presumed that a person having such a car would be rich enough to own such a vehicle. Furthermore, famous celebrities advocating the brands influence the buying patterns of consumers. This consequently leads us to purchase goods that we often do not actually need. In my opinion, this is undoubtedly a negative development. The reason for my opinion is that maintaining a social status or an influenced purchase mostly compels the person to spend extravagantly. This ultimately affects the social attitudes of people and adversely affects society as a whole. To conclude the aforementioned, I am predisposed to argue that people often lavishly spend on brands and lead the ostentatious lifestyle. However, its negative impacts cannot be neglected and must be considered wholeheartedly.
The contemporary world
is surrounded
by endless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
of
nearly
everything, naming from cars to clothing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other items. This phenomenon has led to an increase in desire amongst an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, to acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
items reflecting popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
. I
am inclined
to
firmly
concur with this assertion,
yet
it in my opinion, this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
inculcation in the society. This essay will enclose the plausible reasons for this changing
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the consumers;
also
will provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
convincing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development in the subsequent paragraphs.

To commence with the argument, it is irrefutable to say that our purchasing patterns
are formed
by advertising and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
norms. This is quite evident owing to the fact that branded products reflect a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status. For this said reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
every effort to attain items indicating higher wealth.
For instance
, keeping a Lamborghini is not everybody's cup of tea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it incurs an
extremely
high cost.
As a result
, it
is presumed
that a person having such a car would be rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
such a vehicle.
Furthermore
,
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
advocating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
influence the buying patterns of consumers. This
consequently
leads us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not actually need.

In my opinion, this is
undoubtedly
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development. The reason for my opinion is that maintaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status or an influenced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
mostly
compels the person to spend
extravagantly
. This
ultimately
affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
attitudes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
adversely
affects society as a whole.

To conclude
the aforementioned, I
am predisposed
to argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lavishly
spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
and lead the ostentatious lifestyle.
However
, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts cannot
be neglected
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
wholeheartedly
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The line graph shows Paris Metro station passengers

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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