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The diagram below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent. People's reasons for using the car in city. v.1

The diagram below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton.
It is true that in the current era print and electronic media mostly broadcasts news on environmental, social and economic and other issues rather than highlighting progress that has been made. It is commonly believed by some people it is detrimental to people and societies and I completely agree with them. To commence, listening to negative news have bad impact on the masses. It is a human nature that if people are presented with only dark and gloomy picture of their surroundings, they will ultimately feel frustrated and may suffer from depression and anxiety. Therefore, it is crucial that in order to promote positive attitudes, TV and radio ought to on-air reporting about good things rather than bad. Otherwise, citizens will lose hope and this can raise statistics of depression patients at hospitals. For instance, a study found out that as a result of the most of the reporting comprising of negativity, 50% of the cases of anxiety increased in Pakistan in 2018. Moreover, if media focus only on presenting issues about a society or country, it can severely damage the profile of these. Other nations will feel insecure and unsafe those places to visit about which negative reporting is being made. Consequently, this can make a bad image of them resultantly, will affect its tourism industry. One best example of this, is the news that was broadcasted about the bomb blasts, thefts and other problems in Pakistan. As a result, it raised security concerns among foreigners and tourism reduce by 80% in this country. To conclude, I completely agree with this opinion that on-airing negative reporting not only create feelings of frustration among people, but it also has a negative effect on the economy and societies as a whole by distorting their reputation.
It is true that in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era print and electronic media
mostly
broadcasts news on environmental, social and economic and other issues
rather
than highlighting progress that has
been made
. It is
commonly
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
it is detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and societies and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them.

To commence, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
news have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on the masses. It is a human nature that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are presented
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
dark and gloomy picture of their surroundings, they will
ultimately
feel frustrated and may suffer from depression and anxiety.
Therefore
, it is crucial that in order to promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitudes, TV and radio ought to on-air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reporting
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Otherwise
, citizens will lose hope and this can raise statistics of depression patients at hospitals.
For instance
, a study found out that
as a result
of the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reporting
Did you mean "comprising" or "consisting of"?
comprising of
negativity, 50% of the cases of anxiety increased in Pakistan in 2018.

Moreover
, if media focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on presenting issues about a society or country, it can
severely
damage the profile of these. Other nations will feel insecure and unsafe those places to visit about which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reporting
is
being made
.
Consequently
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
image of them
resultantly
, will affect its tourism industry. One best example of this, is the news that
was broadcasted
about the bomb blasts, thefts and other problems in Pakistan.
As a result
, it raised security concerns among foreigners and tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
by 80% in this country.

To conclude
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion that on-airing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reporting
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create feelings of frustration among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effect on the economy and societies as a whole by distorting their reputation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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