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The diagram below shows the process of using water to produce electricity. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The diagram below shows the process of using water to produce electricity.
It is irrefutable that today we are living in the modern era. Many individuals think that parks as well as sports areas are necessary in new developed areas rather than shopping places for people to spend their free time. I partly agree with this statement because, shopping centres are also essential parts like parks and sports centres. Firstly, no doubt, in a new town construction of amusement parks and sports facilities are essential part as these are the best places to spend leisure time. People can meet different types of people and they can make friends in parks. Secondly, parks are the best place to rejuvenate the tired mind. Nation can get a chance to see the beauty of nature. For example, As it is generally seen that most of the people move from village to cities because of better facilities. Thirdly, in sports centres person can play their favourite outdoor games and can maintain their body as sports is good for person's body. Sports facilities can motivate persons to do some work out. Apart from this, shopping centres are also essential parts in new cities. People can buy the useful products from shopping places. Moreover, businessman can expand their business in new cities and many people can get employment in shopping centres. For instance, last year about 60% person get employment in shopping malls. Overall, though in a new developed city, the sports facilities and park facilities are important, but shopping centres are also playing also play the same role in a new city as other facilities.
It is irrefutable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we are living in the modern era.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
areas are necessary in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
developed areas
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend their free time. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are
also
essential parts like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

Firstly
, no doubt, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
town construction of amusement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities are essential part as these are the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to spend leisure time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to rejuvenate the tired mind. Nation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the beauty of nature.
For example
, As it is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from village to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of better facilities.
Thirdly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "centres'" or "centre's"?
centres
person can play their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
outdoor games and can maintain their body as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for person's body.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
facilities can motivate persons to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work out.

Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are
also
essential parts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the useful products from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Moreover
, businessman can expand their business in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
For instance
, last year about 60% person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls.

Overall
, though in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
developed city, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
facilities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are
also
playing
also
play the same role in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
city as other facilities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram below shows the process of using water to produce electricity.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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