Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The chart shows the changes in three different areas of Manchester City Centre from 2003-2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevent. v.1

The chart shows the changes in three different areas of Manchester City Centre from 2003-2012.
Due to the renovations to medical studies, the average lifespan in advanced economies has increased substantially over the past few years. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this trend, societies can take steps to curb these potential problems. As people live longer and the population of industrialized nations grows older, there can be several issues that citizens and communities must face. Firstly, a considerable proportion of the people in many countries such as France, Japan or Germany has already lived up to the age of 60 or more. This problem leads to the fact that the majority of adults are now reaching the age of retirement, and therefore, render their countries’ economies vulnerable to the lack of workforce. As a result, these nations already have to import a significant amount of labourers from Africa or Asia countries in order to meet the demand of manpower in their countries. Furthermore, an overwhelming proportion of pension age could be a tremendous burden on the young as they have to spend more time to nurse their senior family members, which leaves them less time for work, self-improvement, and recreation. Despite having various challenges, I believe there are effective remedies that could be taken into action. First of all, the authorities should raise the retirement age in order to make up for the deficiency of personnel in their countries. For instance, a number of EU member states such as Spain, Germany, and France are about to extend the retirement age from 65 to 67 in 2020. Simultaneously, the government should invest more money to enhance the quality of nursing homes and health care services for the elder in order to lighten the burden on younger residents’ shoulders. Finally, effective policies and knowledge that help increase fertility rates, such as how to maintain the nutritional intake a person should have, should be propagandized to encourage future generations. In conclusion, the problems caused by increasing average lifespan expectancy could be dealing with as long as the authorities taken these issues into concern and perform immediate measurements.
Due to the renovations to medical studies, the average lifespan in advanced economies has increased
substantially
over the past few years. Although there will
undoubtedly
be
some
negative
consequences of this trend, societies can take steps to curb these potential problems.

As
people
live
longer and the population of industrialized nations grows older, there can be several issues that citizens and communities
must
face.
Firstly
, a considerable proportion of the
people
in
many
countries
such as France, Japan or Germany has already
lived
up to the
age
of 60 or more. This problem leads to the fact that the majority of adults are
now
reaching the
age
of retirement, and
therefore
, render their
countries’
economies vulnerable to the lack of workforce.
As a result
, these nations already
have to
import a significant amount of
labourers
from Africa or Asia
countries
in order to
meet
the demand of manpower in their
countries
.
Furthermore
, an overwhelming proportion of pension
age
could be a tremendous burden on the young as they
have to
spend more time to nurse their senior family members, which
leaves
them less time for work, self-improvement, and recreation.

Despite having various challenges, I believe there are effective remedies that could
be taken
into action.
First of all
, the authorities should raise the retirement
age
in order to
make
up for the deficiency of personnel in their
countries
.
For instance
, a number of EU member states such as Spain, Germany, and France are about to extend the retirement
age
from 65 to 67 in 2020.
Simultaneously
, the
government
should invest more money to enhance the quality of nursing homes and health care services for the elder in order to lighten the burden on younger residents’ shoulders.
Finally
, effective policies and knowledge that
help
increase fertility rates, such as how to maintain the nutritional intake a person should have, should
be propagandized
to encourage future generations.

In conclusion
, the problems caused by increasing average lifespan expectancy could be dealing with as long as the authorities taken these issues into concern and perform immediate measurements.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart shows the changes in three different areas of Manchester City Centre from 2003-2012.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts