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People have different job expectations. Some people prefer to do the same job for the same company, while others prefer to change to jobs frequently. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

People have different job expectations. Some people prefer to do the same job for the same company, while others prefer to change to jobs frequently. v. 2
At present there are some individuals often change their jobs, as they consider that they will have more opportunities. Others, however, argue that it is a better choice to do the same work at the same firm. On the one hand, there are certainly some strengths for individuals to change occupations frequently. People are more likely to receive better compensation when they have new job offers. As in order to recruit more experienced employees, normally firms will offer a competitive salary package to attract new staff. A further point always raised is that a new employee has more chances to be exposed to new expertise. A survey by University of Sydney shows that most supervisors prefer to train new hire, since it is generally believed that such people have better learning attitude compared to existing ones. In spite of these statements given above, there are some voices against seeking for new employment frequently. First of all, job seekers may tend to have unstable life when they resign due to income shortage. As a result, their quality of life will be worsened. Another concern is that new employee has less chances to have job advancement. Because promotion is always offered to senior workers rather than new one. In addition, there are few jobs available during economy depression. Because at this time of period plenty of enterprises would reduce openings in order to save expenditure. Last but not least, it is a better option for new graduates to perform the same job at the same company, as most of them have insufficient experience. If they quit their jobs, they would have to find a new one for a long time. To conclude, even though we cannot fail to admit the advantages of changing jobs, I would like to embrace the idea that it is not suitable for everyone, and new graduates need to accumulate experience and social network first.
At present there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, as they consider that they will have more opportunities. Others,
however
, argue that it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
choice to do the same work at the same firm.

On the one hand, there are
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strengths for individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
occupations
frequently
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are more likely to receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
compensation when they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offers. As in order to recruit more experienced employees,
normally
firms will offer a competitive salary package to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
staff. A
further
point always raised is that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employee has more chances to
be exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
expertise. A survey by University of Sydney
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that most supervisors prefer to train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
hire, since it is
generally
believed that such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
learning attitude compared to existing ones.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these statements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
voices against seeking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employment
frequently
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers may tend to have unstable life when they resign due to income shortage.
As a result
, their quality of life will
be worsened
. Another concern is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employee has
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun chances is countable.
less
chances to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
advancement.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
promotion is always offered to senior workers
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one.
In addition
, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
available during economy depression.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
at this time of period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of enterprises would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
openings in order to save expenditure. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
graduates to perform the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, as most of them have insufficient experience. If they quit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one for a long time.

To conclude
,
even though
we cannot fail to admit the advantages of changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, I would like to embrace the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it is not suitable for everyone, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
graduates need to accumulate experience and social network
first
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay People have different job expectations. Some people prefer to do the same job for the same company, while others prefer to change to jobs frequently. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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