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Doctors from many of the countries are concerned that people are not getting physical exercise. What are the causes and solutions to overcome this trend. v.1

Doctors from many of the countries are concerned that people are not getting physical exercise. What are the causes and solutions to overcome this trend. v. 1
The invade of internet has not only changed the world, but changed the style how student gain knowledge through online studying. Learning new thinks is easy for kids nowadays. This essay will discuss why online educational materials available for free, superior than printed copy materials. Supporters believe that hard copies are better for learning because it will be printed according to the exam pattern and there will be less hard work to find the correct material as it will be provided by reliable sources. For examples, the course material which kids get from their teacher's is more relevant as it is provided by school authorities and it is well structured. This'll bring me to my second point "online material". There are more opportunities for kids to learn from online studies as their is vast material available for free. Also, a child can explore a variety of new technologies and learn new way to gain knowledge by watching online videos and audios. It has been scientifically proven that child learn more while watching videos. To Illustrate 2 year's child get more attracted to colourful video rhymes playing on the internet. As human have a very strong image memory as it stores the information through colour full image. To conclude, both the ways are important to gain info. But, online learning will always help kids to store knowledge easily and they will be more engaged. So, In my opinion internet has played a vital role and it makes studying easy and interesting for children.
After 'The', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'invade' is correct. If 'invade' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
The invade
of internet has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the style how student gain knowledge through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
studying. Learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
is easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
nowadays. This essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
available for free,
Some adjectives derived from Latin act as both adjective and comparative. In these cases use the collocation 'to'
superior than
printed copy materials.

Supporters believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
copies are better for learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
be printed
according to the exam pattern and there will be less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work to find the correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
as it will
be provided
by reliable sources. For examples, the course
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from their teacher's is more relevant as it
is provided
by school authorities and it is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well structured
.

This'll bring me to my second point
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
online material
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. There are more opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to learn from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
studies as
Did you mean "there"?
their
is vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
available for free.
Also
, a child can explore a variety of new technologies and learn new way to gain knowledge by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
videos and audios. It has been
scientifically
proven
The verb 'learn' is plural. Did you mean: "that child learns"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that child learn
more while watching videos. To Illustrate 2
Incorrect singular possessive form after the number (2). Did you mean "years" or "years'"?
year's
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more attracted to
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
video rhymes playing on the internet. As human have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong image memory as it stores the information through
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
full image.

To conclude
, both the ways are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to gain info.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
learning will always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to store knowledge
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
they will be more engaged.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, In my opinion internet has played a vital role and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
studying easy and interesting for children.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Doctors from many of the countries are concerned that people are not getting physical exercise. What are the causes and solutions to overcome this trend. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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