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Music should be taught in school along with other subjects like computer and science Do you agree or disagree with this statement v.1

Music should be taught in school along with other subjects like computer and science v. 1
It is a big concern that, people are moving from the countryside to urban areas. This essay will discuss the main causes of transmitting of people to cities for better education and medical facilities. This essay will also suggest two solutions related to this including education and medical services should be in rural areas. To begin with, education and medical services are well maintained in cities. Everybody wants this kind of facilities for a better lifestyle. In the competitive world, people want their kids should be admitted in the best and renown schools, as well as in an emergency if they have health issues they can take the best medical service, because it is very to travel on a daily basis, it is a waste of money and they just decide to move into urban areas. Therefore, they are climbing the ladder of competition and do not want to be behind anyone. For example, in India, in rural areas only one primary school and for higher study, they have to go to the cities. However, if higher literacy institutions and well maintained hospital will be situated in villages, then people can be controlled to move to cities. It is because people just want good life style and government should take some steps and provide these services. So, people do not feel be behind anyone. For instance, with the help of media, government should promote the healthy lifestyle of the countryside areas. To conclude, the urbanization is a big problem. In this essay I have discussed the causes of this, such as, better study and medical services. Therefore, I have suggested two solutions that if legal authorities make improvements in literacy institutes and health services this problem could be reduced.
It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
concern that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving from the countryside to urban areas. This essay will discuss the main causes of transmitting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to cities for better education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facilities. This essay will
also
suggest two solutions related to this including education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
should be in rural areas.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are well maintained in cities. Everybody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
this kind of facilities for a better lifestyle. In the competitive world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
their kids should
be admitted
in the best and renown schools,
as well
as in an emergency if they have health issues they can take the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
to travel on a daily basis, it is a waste of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into urban areas.
Therefore
, they are climbing the ladder of competition and do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be behind anyone.
For example
, in India, in rural areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one primary school and for higher study, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to the cities.

However
, if higher literacy institutions and well maintained hospital will
be situated
in villages, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be controlled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to cities. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life style and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps and provide these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not feel be behind anyone.
For instance
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of media,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should promote the healthy lifestyle of the countryside areas.

To conclude
, the urbanization is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem. In this essay I have discussed the causes of this, such as, better study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
Therefore
, I have suggested two solutions that if legal authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
improvements in literacy institutes and health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
this problem could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Music should be taught in school along with other subjects like computer and science v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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