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Music should be taught in school along with other subjects like computer and science Do you agree or disagree with this statement v.1

Music should be taught in school along with other subjects like computer and science v. 1
It is a big concern that, people are moving from the countryside to urban areas. This essay will discuss the main causes of transmitting of people to cities for better education and medical facilities. This essay will also suggest two solutions related to this including education and medical services should be in rural areas. To begin with, education and medical services are well maintained in cities. Everybody wants this kind of facilities for a better lifestyle. In the competitive world, people want their kids should be admitted in the best and renown schools, as well as in an emergency if they have health issues they can take the best medical service, because it is very to travel on a daily basis, it is a waste of money and they just decide to move into urban areas. Therefore, they are climbing the ladder of competition and do not want to be behind anyone. For example, in India, in rural areas only one primary school and for higher study, they have to go to the cities. However, if higher literacy institutions and well maintained hospital will be situated in villages, then people can be controlled to move to cities. It is because people just want good life style and government should take some steps and provide these services. So, people do not feel be behind anyone. For instance, with the help of media, government should promote the healthy lifestyle of the countryside areas. To conclude, the urbanization is a big problem. In this essay I have discussed the causes of this, such as, better study and medical services. Therefore, I have suggested two solutions that if legal authorities make improvements in literacy institutes and health services this problem could be reduced.
It is a
big
concern that,
people
are moving from the countryside to urban areas. This essay will discuss the main causes of transmitting of
people
to cities for better education and
medical
facilities. This essay will
also
suggest two solutions related to this including education and
medical
services
should be in rural areas.

To
begin
with, education and
medical
services
are well maintained in cities. Everybody
wants
this kind of facilities for a better lifestyle. In the competitive world,
people
want
their kids should
be admitted
in the best and renown schools,
as well
as in an emergency if they have health issues they can take the best
medical
service
,
because
it is
very
to travel on a daily basis, it is a waste of
money and
they
just
decide to
move
into urban areas.
Therefore
, they are climbing the ladder of competition and do not
want
to be behind anyone.
For example
, in India, in rural areas
only
one primary school and for higher study, they
have to
go to the cities.

However
, if higher literacy institutions and well maintained hospital will
be situated
in villages, then
people
can
be controlled
to
move
to cities. It is
because
people
just
want
good
life style and
government
should take
some
steps and provide these
services
.
So
,
people
do not feel be behind anyone.
For instance
, with the
help
of media,
government
should promote the healthy lifestyle of the countryside areas.

To conclude
, the urbanization is a
big
problem. In this essay I have discussed the causes of this, such as, better study and
medical
services
.
Therefore
, I have suggested two solutions that if legal authorities
make
improvements in literacy institutes and health
services
this problem could be
reduced
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Music should be taught in school along with other subjects like computer and science v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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