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In some countries, criminal trials are shown on television for the public. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

In some countries, criminal trials are shown on television for the public. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
It is increasingly common to broadcast criminal court proceedings on television for the wider public. While it might seem to have certain drawbacks, showing trials also does present certain benefits. In my opinion, the advantages of this far outweighs possible disadvantages. To begin with, it is claimed that showing court proceedings on the screen might impose bias to people who watch these proceedings. None of them are perfect, the argument goes, since the court can be corrupted or misled by the false prosecution. Moreover, it might be bolstered by the lack of knowledge in law which usually is present in people without specific knowledge. For instance, recent studies have shown a high rate of convicting innocent people, which afterwards have suffered from disdain of their neighbours. Thus, is it said, broadcasting court processes might create and bolster prejudice in its watchers towards those who could be innocent. Conversely, one of the greatest benefits of the trials shown on television is that they have become more open and clearer. This is because they are broadcast for a big number of people of different education, who can notice inaccuracies or even a bribed process, so trials are pushed to be maximally just and open. The second virtue is that, watching these processes, public is becoming deterred to committing crime and also it gives them an incentive to boost their knowledge regarding legal issues. To illustrate, there was a substantial decrease of juvenile delinquency in Russia after the trials have started to be shown. These reasons allow to infer that showing prosecutions is more advantageous, than not. To conclude, broadcasting of crime trials on television is evident, and, although, somebody might argue that it creates more drawbacks like increased bias in people, from my perspective, these are entirely outweighed by its benefits which include the clearer court proceedings, a strong deterrence to people and motivation to learn the law. By educating the wider public and improving the law sector through such practices, we can achieve a better society with the just court.
It is
increasingly
common to broadcast criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
court
proceedings on television for the wider public. While it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
seem to have certain drawbacks, showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trials
also
does present certain benefits. In my opinion, the advantages of this far outweighs possible disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it
is claimed
that showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
court
proceedings on the screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
impose bias to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these proceedings. None of them are perfect, the argument goes, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
court
can
be corrupted
or misled by the false prosecution.
Moreover
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be bolstered
by the lack of knowledge in law which
usually
is present in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without specific knowledge.
For instance
, recent studies have shown a high rate of convicting innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which afterwards have suffered from disdain of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Thus
, is it said, broadcasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
court
processes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
create and bolster prejudice in its watchers towards those who could be innocent.

Conversely
, one of the greatest benefits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trials
shown on television is that they have become more open and clearer. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are broadcast for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
education, who can notice inaccuracies or even a bribed process,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trials
are pushed
to be
maximally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
and open. The second virtue is that, watching these processes, public is becoming deterred to committing crime and
also
it gives them an incentive to boost their knowledge regarding legal issues. To illustrate, there was a substantial decrease of juvenile delinquency in Russia after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trials
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
be shown
. These reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to infer that showing prosecutions is more advantageous, than not.

To conclude
, broadcasting of crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trials
on television is evident, and, although, somebody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
argue that it creates more drawbacks like increased bias in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, from my perspective, these are
entirely
outweighed by its benefits which include the clearer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
court
proceedings, a strong deterrence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and motivation to learn the law. By educating the wider public and improving the law sector through such practices, we can achieve a better society with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
court
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay In some countries, criminal trials are shown on television for the public. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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