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Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. v. 1
Many people suppose that the government should spend expenditure on talented artists, while others believe that they should be supported financially by substitutable funding. In my opinion, gifted ones should be funded by both authorities and other organizations. Several individuals are persuaded that governments should allocate their resources to funding for artistic professionals. Since they make significant contributions to the improvement of culture which is a crucial aspect of the existing of a nation. The government can hold music competitions for musicians and singers, which could encourage them to devote their music aptitudes and then create a more abundant culture. In addition, it is totally justified if national funding is allocated to supporting painters and musicians due to the boom of artistic industries in recent years. It is likely that investing in these sectors properly could create an immense income for nations. However, others think that excellent artists should be gotten financial support from commercial or non-government organizations. The first reason is that the government has to allocate scared resources to funding for other social problems such as health, education. It is starved of money that authorities invest a large amount of money in artists when the country is in poor conditions. Secondly, private funding for artistic activities is usually much larger compared to subsidies of the government. For example, an entertaining company can organize a live concert with large scale containing hundreds even thousands of audiences. It seems that these corporations are more able to advertise talented artists and bring their excellent works of arts to more public. In conclusion, while many people argue that talented musicians and painters should be invested by the government, others think that it is better that investments in art come from other organizations. However, I am convinced that all of them should collaborate to support better artists.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suppose that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend expenditure on talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, while others believe that they should
be supported
financially
by substitutable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
. In my opinion, gifted ones should
be funded
by both authorities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
organizations.

Several individuals
are persuaded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should allocate their resources to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
for artistic professionals.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
significant contributions to the improvement of culture which is a crucial aspect of the existing of a nation. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can hold music competitions for musicians and singers, which could encourage them to devote their music aptitudes and then create a more abundant culture.
In addition
, it is
totally
justified if national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
is allocated
to supporting painters and musicians due to the boom of artistic industries in recent years. It is likely that investing in these sectors
properly
could create an immense income for nations.

However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should
be gotten
financial support from commercial or non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
organizations. The
first
reason is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
allocate scared resources to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social problems such as health, education. It
is starved
of money that authorities invest a large amount of money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
when the country is in poor conditions.
Secondly
, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
funding
for artistic activities is
usually
much larger compared to subsidies of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
For example
, an entertaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
can organize a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
concert with large scale containing hundreds even thousands of audiences. It seems that these corporations are more able to advertise talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and bring their excellent works of arts to more public.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that talented musicians and painters should
be invested
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better that investments in art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
organizations.
However
, I
am convinced
that all of them should collaborate to support better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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