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Some people believe that it’s not necessary to have internet access to live a full life. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience. v.2

Some people believe that it’s not necessary to have internet access to live a full life. What is your opinion? v. 2
Now days, it is seen that technology becomes an inevitable part of our daily life. Especially, Internet. People have opined about without using this most advance thing from technology they can live life at the fullest. Not all of them are agreeing to this statement. In my opinion, depending on the age range internet can be necessity to live life at the edge. On the one side, there is no doubt that the internet is a such a blessing in the field of getting information. Whether it is regarding business, news about local or globally happening scenario or even finding remedies for health related problems. To start with, let's take an example of the teenage group. We all know how the internet expands over the years and how it helped to grow the social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter. As most of the teenagers are spending their leisure time over social media to chat with their friends or meeting new people. Along with they play lots of online games or even take part in online gaming as well educational competition. For them not having an access of the internet is like they are living in the dark world. Moreover, for a business person, internet is like a blessing. Those days are gone where marketing person comes to your house or they are distributing paper based advertisement of their product. Right now every marketing company prefer digital marketing for their product advertisement and its way to successful compared to traditional methods. On the flip side, for older generation means people between the age group of above 55 are unlikely to accept changes. Therefore, they hardly use the internet. As this age group of people are mostly retired from work and inclined towards traditional way of communication with others. Inclusion. These reason internet is not a vital thing to them. So based on the various age group internet played a major role in individuals personal as well as professional growth. That is why it's necessity to live life fully.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
days, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that technology becomes an inevitable part of our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Especially
, Internet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have opined about without using this most advance thing from technology they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at the fullest. Not all of them
The verb 'agreeing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are agreeing
to this statement. In my opinion, depending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
range internet can be necessity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at the edge.

On the one side, there is no doubt that the internet is a such a blessing in the field of getting information. Whether it is regarding business, news about local or globally happening scenario or even finding remedies for health related problems. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's take an example of the teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. We all know how the internet expands over the years and how it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to grow the social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter. As most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are spending their leisure time over social media to chat with their friends or meeting new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Along with they play lots of online games or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in online gaming
as well
educational competition. For them not having
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
of the internet is like they are living in the dark world.
Moreover
, for a business person, internet is like a blessing. Those days
are gone
where marketing person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to your
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
house or
they are distributing paper based
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
their product. Right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
every marketing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
prefer digital marketing for their product advertisement and its way to successful compared to traditional methods.

On the flip side, for older generation means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of above 55 are unlikely to accept
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
Therefore
, they hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet. As this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
mostly
retired from work and inclined towards traditional way of communication with others.

Inclusion. These reason internet is not a vital thing to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
based on the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
internet played a major role in individuals personal
as well
as professional growth.
That is
why it's necessity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
fully
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that it’s not necessary to have internet access to live a full life. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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