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The constitution of many countries states that people are the only source of power. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Have you participated in politics in any way? v.1

The constitution of many countries states that people are the only source of power. Have you participated in politics in any way? v. 1
I think that, no matter who the leader of the country, he or she should be, most importantly, educated, patriots of the country, professionals, healthy, both physically and mentally and decent. I think that these qualities should be with the leaders of the country, since they make the future of the country and provide the whole country. And yet, for example, I think that in Kazakhstan they trust a man more, I don’t know, maybe this is such a mentality of the country. If you ask a question to our peasants this way: what qualities are most valued in a woman? Men answer: "housekeeping. " That is, women have a place primarily in the house, in the family. I'm not saying that this is the case with everyone, but it is a fact that someone has it. But I think that women also have the right to be leaders of the country. On the other hand (Allah forbid) if there is a war in the country, many people say that women cannot cope with this task. Since they are so tender by birth, in a word, war is not for them. They say that women, even if they are patriots, do not know how to use military weapons. In these cases, some people do not support women to become the leader of the country. For example, some people believe that the government needs more women leaders in politics to reduce violence. Perhaps this is also correct, as women will pay special attention to the topic of violence. Since most of the country there are such cases. And always underage little girls. I think we need to resolve this issue globally. In the end, I also want to say, as she said, whoever the leader would be, they should be patriots, and educated. From the point of view of the possibility of management and responsibility for the country and for people, the requirements cannot differ by gender principles.
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that, no matter who the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, he or she should be, most
importantly
, educated, patriots of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, professionals, healthy, both
physically
and mentally and decent. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that these qualities should be with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and provide the whole country.

And
yet
,
for example
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that in Kazakhstan they trust a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
more, I don’t know, maybe this is such a mentality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. If you ask a question to our peasants this way: what qualities are most valued in a woman?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
answer:
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
housekeeping.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
That is
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have a place
primarily
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, in the family. I'm not saying that this is the case with everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is a fact that someone has it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
also
have the right to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
of the country.

On the other hand
(Allah forbid) if there is a war in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot cope with this task. Since they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
tender by birth, in a word, war is not for them. They say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, even if they are patriots, do not know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
military weapons. In these cases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to become the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
of the country.

For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
in politics to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
violence. Perhaps this is
also
correct, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will pay special attention to the topic of violence.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
there are such cases. And always underage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
girls. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
we need to resolve this issue globally.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I
also
want to say, as she said, whoever the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
would be, they should be patriots, and educated. From the point of view of the possibility of management and responsibility for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the requirements cannot differ by gender principles.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The constitution of many countries states that people are the only source of power. Have you participated in politics in any way? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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