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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. v. 4
Some people believe that it is very crucial for young kids to know about the local happenings. However, other people give importance to global history as it is considered more useful. Each and every place have their own unique history. In my opinion, I agree with the statement that local history should be taught to school chilnd can be lost over the period of time, to prevent such miss happenings it is necessary to encourage children to seek knowledge of the place. For example, some of the tribes lost their history and the origin, and know they don’t hadren. I will propose possible illustration for the same. To begin with, every place has its own series of events, and to preserve it, children should learn the history of the place. History can be altered ave a promising tale to tell. In all, History keeps the authenticity of the place intact. Secondly, it necessitates emotional attachment to the land, this often help children to grow stronger. In other words, it entails a sense of patriotism for the place and binds the soul with the soil. For instance, People tend to die to protect their unique culture and heritage. They have pride in their history, and they want to pass theses values to their children. To conclude, history is more than a factual representation of the occurrence of events, it is connected emotionally to peoples lives. Therefore, it is essential for children to know about such events which changed their ancestor’s lives. It is the responsibility of the parent and the government to fetch these happening in children’s school books.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for young kids to know about the local happenings.
However
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give importance to global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as it
is considered
more useful. Each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should
be taught
to school
Possible spelling mistake found.
chilnd
can
be lost
over the period of time, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such miss happenings it is necessary to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to seek knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
For example
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
tribes lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and the origin, and
Did you mean "now"?
know
they don’t
Possible spelling mistake found.
hadren
. I will propose possible illustration for the same.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
series of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, and to preserve it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
can
be altered
ave a promising tale to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
. In all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the authenticity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
intact.

Secondly
, it necessitates emotional attachment to the land, this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow stronger.
In other words
, it entails a sense of patriotism for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and binds the soul with the soil.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
to protect their unique culture and heritage. They have pride in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, and they want to pass
Did you mean "these"?
theses
values to their children.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is more than a factual representation of the occurrence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, it
is connected
emotionally
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
, it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to know about such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their ancestor’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It is the responsibility of the parent and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to fetch these happening in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
school books.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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