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The college years are the best time in a person's life. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons to support your opinion. v.3

The college years are the best time in a person's life. Give reasons to support your opinion. v. 3
In the Older days, people are ready to serve a single company while the trend changes and they often changes their employer. This is because of lousy bosses, miserable salaries and the hostile working environment. The first and the foremost reason is the attitude of their managers. In other words, some bosses are never satisfied with the outcomes of their workers. Consequently, their attitude towards the employees are rude and unacceptable. So employee may tend to change their job. Moreover, some employees could not tolerate to a certain level because of the ego problems they have. For instance, a recent study conducted by the government of India reveals that, a higher proportion of the job changing occurs because of cruel superiors. Secondly, low salaries and adverse working conditions have a vital role. In detail, workers often think, their salary may not enough for fulfilling their family needs that predispose them to look for another job that provides better remuneration. Furthermore, lack of amenities in their working aura compelled them to change their job. Companies can minimise the level of job hopping by giving training to their immediate managers and also they make sure that, employees are getting salaries according to the industry standards. Additionally, they should provide facilities such as toilet and recreational clubs to motivate the manpower. In conclusion, job hopping might be caused by the behaviour of managers, inadequate perks, and the minimal working conditions. Employers can overcome this by providing standard salaries and non monetary benefits to them.
In the Older days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are ready to serve a single
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
while the trend
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
changes and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
their employer. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lousy bosses, miserable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and the hostile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment.

The
first
and the foremost reason is the attitude of their managers.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bosses are never satisfied with the outcomes of their workers.
Consequently
, their attitude towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are rude and unacceptable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
may tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
could not tolerate to a certain level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the ego problems they have.
For instance
, a recent study conducted by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India reveals that, a higher proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
changing occurs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of cruel superiors.

Secondly
, low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions have a vital role. In detail, workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
may not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for fulfilling their family needs that predispose them to look for another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that provides better remuneration.
Furthermore
, lack of amenities in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
aura compelled them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their job.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hopping by giving training to their immediate managers and
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
according to the industry standards.
Additionally
, they should provide facilities such as toilet and recreational clubs to motivate the manpower.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hopping might
be caused
by the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of managers, inadequate perks, and the minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions. Employers can overcome this by providing standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non monetary
benefits to them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay The college years are the best time in a person's life. Give reasons to support your opinion. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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