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Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past then they were nowadays, Use reasons and examples to support your answer. v.8

Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past then they were nowadays, Use reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 8
There is an argument about the cause of overweight children. The first pint of view is that, it relies on the government, on the other hand, that issue depends on the way of growing up the children. In my opinion, the main reason of gaining weight is the parents, because they have to learn their children to decrease eating of junk foods, sweets, and the saturated fat foods, also to do regular exercises and sport, thus, these are the main reasons to make an obese person. Firstly, the people who have thoughts that this problem is the responsibility of the government have their reasons which are, the government permits and gives licenses to fast food shops and restaurants to open and spread all over the country which attract children by their advertisements. For example, one of the most famous advertisement for a junk food shop focus mainly on the children and also the approach is to give a small toy with each child meal, which consequently, increase the passion of young people to buy. Nevertheless, others think the parents should supervise their children's diet and health, because it is the main role of father and mother and educate them the harms that they may suffer from if the eat unhealthy meals and don not play sports. For instance, if parents did not allow their youths to participate in a particular physical game like tennis or volleyball to build a fit body, they would gain more weight and suffer from obesity. Hence, why do parents ignore their main role? . To summarize, overweight persons suffer from a lot of dangerous diseases and this must be controlled to bring up a new healthy generation, which is the major duty of the mature people.
There is an argument about the cause of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The
first
pint of view is that, it relies on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
on the other hand
, that issue depends on the way of growing up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
reason of gaining weight is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to decrease eating of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, sweets, and the saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
,
also
to do regular exercises and sport,
thus
, these are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an obese person.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have thoughts that this problem is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
have their reasons which are, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
permits and gives licenses to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shops and restaurants to open and spread all over the country which attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by their advertisements.
For example
, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
advertisement for a junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shop focus
mainly
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
also
the approach is to give a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
toy with each child meal, which
consequently
, increase the passion of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.

Nevertheless
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should supervise their children's diet and health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
role of father and mother and educate them the harms that they may suffer from if
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'eat' is correct. If 'eat' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the eat
unhealthy meals and
Did you mean "do not"?
don not
play sports.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their youths to participate in a particular physical game like tennis or volleyball to build a fit body, they would gain more weight and suffer from obesity.
Hence
, why do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
role?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


To summarize
, overweight persons suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be controlled
to bring up a new healthy generation, which is the major duty of the mature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past then they were nowadays, Use reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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