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The civic center will be planned to change. There are two maps: one is the existing and the other is the plan for new. v.1

The civic center will be planned to change. There are two maps: one is the existing and the other is the plan for new. v. 1
Education plays an important role in defining your career. Therefore, it is very important to concentrate on study from the young age. I completely disagree with the fact that education is not required after grade school. Firstly, it is necessary to have qualified certificates in order to get a desired job. Because of huge competition within the market, it has become very difficult to get shortlisted for a position. For Example: if you want to be a Police officer, primary learning won't fulfil the criteria of the offer. There are only a few jobs left that demand only elementary school, like Helper, Stuard, Cleaner, etc. Therefore, the more educated you are, more successful you will be. Secondly, You will be respected if you hold good degrees in hand. People around you will value your suggestions and guidances. You will also be valued for your knowledge at work place. For example: If you are an Accountant, first of all you should have enough understanding and skill of Accountancy. And if you are an expert in your field this can open gates for various attractive perks and promotions. Being educated not only will make you wealthy, but also get you a social status. In conclusion, it is a myth that jobs will be vanished from the market over the period of time. Therefore, I urge people to give good learning facilities to their children. They should not be pressurised for jobs. I recommend for good certification as it attracts a handsome salary and Job.
Education plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in defining your career.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to concentrate on study from the young age. I completely
Consider using "disagree that".
disagree with the fact that
education is not required after grade school.

Firstly
, it is necessary to have qualified certificates in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of huge competition within the market, it has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
shortlisted for a position.
For Example
: if you want to be a Police officer, primary learning won't fulfil the criteria of the offer. There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
that demand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
elementary school, like Helper,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Stuard
, Cleaner, etc.
Therefore
, the more educated you are, more successful you will be.

Secondly
, You will
be respected
if you hold
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
degrees in hand.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
around you will value your suggestions and
Possible spelling mistake found.
guidances
. You will
also
be valued
for your knowledge at work place.
For example
: If you are an Accountant,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
you should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
understanding and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of Accountancy. And if you are an expert in your field this can open gates for various attractive perks and promotions.
Being educated
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you wealthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
you a social status.

In conclusion
, it is a myth that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will
be vanished
from the market over the period of time.
Therefore
, I urge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
learning facilities to their children. They should not be
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurised' is British English.
pressurised
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. I recommend for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
certification as it attracts a handsome salary and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The civic center will be planned to change. There are two maps: one is the existing and the other is the plan for new. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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