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Many people believe that the main aim of university education is to help graduates find better jobs, while some people believe that a university education has wider benefits for individuals and society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many people believe that the main aim of university education is to help graduates find better jobs, while some people believe that a university education has wider benefits for individuals and society as a whole. v. 1
Over the years, physical punishment as a means of disciplining children has been on the rise. However, whereas some people believe that it is the most effective means of training the younger ones, I would argue that, while it is helpful, it should be moderately applied. One of the most significant benefits of beating a child is that it instills training within the shortest period of time. This is because, children would like to immediately comply with instructions being given in order to avert pain on the body. For instance, a child who knows that if a task is not achieved he will be beaten, he will always ensure timely completion at all times. Consequently, this has created an environment where young lads are seen as obedient and extremely respectful, which to the admiration of their parents are pleasant. Nevertheless, it is vital that the above is executed in moderation because too much of it may breed resentment towards the parents. A reason being that the little ones love to be pampered and this helps to build stronger family ties, but in its absence, extremism and misdemeanour may be the result. An investigation conducted by the United Nations in 2018 revealed that smacking was a key determinant of street crimes and alcoholism. In contrast, if upbringing was not impacted via thrashing, the society would nurture better minds to inspire greatness. In conclusion, although corporal punishment is required to imbibe sound virtues in children, I strongly believe this should be done with limits as too much of it may lead to negative feelings which can lead to self-destruction in the society.
Over the years, physical punishment as a means of disciplining children has been on the rise.
However
, whereas
some
people
believe that it is the most effective means of training the younger
ones
, I would argue that, while it is helpful, it should be
moderately
applied.

One of the most significant benefits of beating a child is that it instills training within the shortest period of time. This is
because
, children would like to immediately comply with instructions being
given
in order to avert pain on the body.
For instance
, a child who knows that if a task is not achieved he will
be beaten
, he will always ensure timely completion at all times.
Consequently
, this has created an environment where young lads are
seen
as obedient and
extremely
respectful, which to the admiration of their parents are pleasant.

Nevertheless
, it is vital that the above
is executed
in moderation
because
too much of it may breed resentment towards the parents. A reason being that the
little
ones
love
to
be pampered
and this
helps
to build stronger family ties,
but
in its absence, extremism and
misdemeanour
may be the result. An investigation conducted by the United Nations in 2018 revealed that smacking was a key determinant of street crimes and alcoholism.
In contrast
, if upbringing was not impacted via thrashing, the society would nurture better
minds to inspire
greatness.

In conclusion
, although corporal punishment
is required
to imbibe sound virtues in children, I
strongly
believe this should
be done
with limits as too much of it may lead to
negative
feelings which can lead to self-destruction in the society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that the main aim of university education is to help graduates find better jobs, while some people believe that a university education has wider benefits for individuals and society as a whole. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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