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Everyday traffic seems to get worse on our roads. How can we reduce the number of cars on our roads today? What alternatives can we offer car drivers? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

Everyday traffic seems to get worse on our roads. How can we reduce the number of cars on our roads today? What alternatives can we offer car drivers? v. 2
Nowadays, the majority of children spend much time on playing computer games and ignore physical activities. While some argue that it can benefit children in some ways, from my perspective, I consider it a negative development There are manifold reasons why numerous children spend more time on computer games rather than sport activities. Firstly, the main reason is the unprecedented affordability and ubiquity of computer devices so that they can easily access. As designers create games to be highly engaging, children cannot resist the temptation to stop these games. For kids, for example, they are likely to immerse in the friendly contents such as animated cartoon characters, which can encourage them to spend the whole day playing; hence, there is no time left for other activities. Besides, there is a lack of playgrounds and parks, while the growing number of constructions, such as shopping malls and skyscrapers has proliferated all the rage in many metropolises. Therefore, they tend to stay at home and stick with the games to escape from the daily grind. As regards the cons, video games may have few detrimental effects to children. Firstly, if adolescents spend too much time on computer games without doing any physical exercises, they may be prone to well-being problems such as obesity and poor eyesight in the long run. Whereas, sports play a critical role in developing their strength and agility. Secondly, it can cause children to lose their communication skills and affect cognitive development. As games which includes violent content might make them more aggressive and become isolated. As a consequence, it is likely that they will always find it hard to make friends, which can limit their prospect of success later on because success often build on a support network of contacts. In conclusion, it is true that children nowadays spend much time on computer games instead of sports. Nonetheless, from all the reasons mentioned above, I believe that this trend does more harm than good.
Nowadays, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
physical activities. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it can benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, from my perspective, I consider it a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
development


There are manifold reasons why numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than sport activities.
Firstly
, the main reason is the unprecedented affordability and ubiquity of computer devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
easily
access. As designers create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to be
highly
engaging,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot resist the temptation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. For kids,
for example
, they are likely to immerse in the friendly contents such as animated cartoon characters, which can encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the whole day playing;
hence
, there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for other activities.
Besides
, there is a lack of playgrounds and parks, while the growing number of constructions, such as shopping malls and skyscrapers has proliferated all the rage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
metropolises.
Therefore
, they tend to stay at home and stick with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to escape from the daily grind.

As regards the cons, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may have few detrimental effects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, if adolescents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
without doing any physical exercises, they may be prone to well-being problems such as obesity and poor eyesight in the long run. Whereas, sports play a critical role in developing their strength and agility.
Secondly
, it can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to lose their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and affect cognitive development. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which includes violent content might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more aggressive and become isolated. As a consequence, it is likely that they will always find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends, which can limit their prospect of success later on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
build on a support network of contacts.

In conclusion
, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
of sports. Nonetheless, from all the reasons mentioned above, I believe that this trend does more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Everyday traffic seems to get worse on our roads. How can we reduce the number of cars on our roads today? What alternatives can we offer car drivers? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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