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The charts show the sources of the electricity produced in 4 countries between 2003 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The charts show the sources of the electricity produced in 4 countries between 2003 and 2008.
The trend of shopping as a leisure activity has emerged in recent times. Nowadays, people spend their free time either in shopping malls or on e-commerce websites. This essay will discuss various causes and effects of this development on individuals and the society. To embark on, there are several reasons why shopping has become a popular activity. First and foremost, the majority of companies give different kinds of offers and discounts on their products in order to attract customers. For example, it should be noted that big corporate houses tie-up with credit card vendors and banks. They provide many cash back offers on different products and sometimes they offer zero interest EMI schemes to lure consumers. As a result, people get mini loans without interest rates and this encourages them to buy products even if they do not need them. In addition to this, it can be seen that many e-commerce websites use data analytics techniques to know about the preferences of people and then they show advertisements of various offers on that particular product to attract customers. For instance, Amazon, an online shopping website, records the pattern of customer shopping habits and then uses this information to lure them into buying more. People are becoming shopaholic. This development has affected the society positively and negatively. It should be noted that this trend has increased the number of sales and profits of companies which in turn lead them to open new factories and warehouses to meet the increasing demands. As a result, people get more job opportunities. On the flip side, due to over shopping people are facing unnecessary burdens of debt. They spend a big chuck of their earnings to pay off personal loans and EMIs. Consequently, they have no money to save. To conclude, I personally feel that people are addicted to shopping and they buy even products they do not want and put undue pressure on themselves. Corporate houses are grabbing the hard earned money of individuals by using smart marketing strategies and becoming richer.
The trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a leisure activity has emerged in recent times. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their free time either in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls or on e-commerce websites. This essay will discuss various causes and effects of this development on individuals and the society.

To embark on, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become a popular activity.
First
and foremost, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
and discounts on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in order to attract customers.
For example
, it should
be noted
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corporate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
tie-up with credit card vendors and banks. They provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cash back
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
zero interest EMI schemes to lure consumers.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
mini loans without interest rates and this encourages them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
even if they do not need them.
In addition
to this, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
e-commerce websites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
data analytics techniques to know about the preferences of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
advertisements of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
on that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to attract customers.
For instance
, Amazon, an online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
website, records the pattern of customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
habits and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
this information to lure them into buying more.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are becoming shopaholic. This development has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the society
positively
and
negatively
. It should
be noted
that this trend has increased the number of sales and profits of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which in turn lead them to open new factories and warehouses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the increasing demands.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more job opportunities.

On the flip side, due to over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing unnecessary burdens of debt. They spend a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chuck of their earnings to pay off personal loans and
Possible spelling mistake found.
EMIs
.
Consequently
, they have no money to save.

To conclude
, I
personally
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shopping and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they do not want and put undue pressure on themselves. Corporate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are grabbing the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
money of individuals by using smart marketing strategies and becoming richer.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts show the sources of the electricity produced in 4 countries between 2003 and 2008.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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