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The bar charts illustrates the amount of electricity produced and utilized by ten different countrie in 2014. summarise the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The bar charts illustrates the amount of electricity produced and utilized by ten different countrie in 2014.
The importance and popularity of reliable life have grown over the past few years. Experts throughout developed and developing worlds have debated whether the dependence of different nations' population has increased or not. Both sides of this issue will be examined in the following essay. On the one hand, there are three possible reasons of an increase life dependence throughout the period. The most important one is that technology. It is the crucial key that links people across this planet, no matter you live in north or even south and becomes more reliable to each other. Furthermore, share information is another reason why people become live more dependent. An extensive study by renowned university has illustrated that knowledge sharing causes a faster development and life facilitation, especially medicine and transportation. Last but not least, help each other in term or collaboration may create the higher benefits. The best example for this is supply chain in the food industry that the connection between local farmers and manufacturers produces a better product for societies or consumers. On the other hand, although there are ample reasons of life becoming more dependent, its multifold disagreements cannot be denied. First and the foremost, an increase competition cause people afraid of sharing knowledge. Due to the fact that asymmetric information will give the comparative advantages over their direct and indirect competitors. Another argument that should be taken into consideration is technology. Even though it provides connection around the world, its easy connection also draw people's attention to their phone rather than making relationship with people who were in front of you. The final point is hard working which consume both people's energy and time. As a result, they spend most of the time on tasks and live apart from their family, partner or even friends further without noticing. In conclusion, from aforementioned arguments, I personally believe that people are more dependent on each other because of above given reasons, particularly technology.
The importance and popularity of reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
have grown over the past few years. Experts throughout developed and developing worlds have debated whether the dependence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations' population has increased or not. Both sides of this issue will
be examined
in the following essay.

On the one hand, there are three possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of an increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
dependence throughout the period. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is that technology. It is the crucial key that links
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across this planet, no matter you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in north or even south and becomes more reliable to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Furthermore
, share information is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more dependent. An extensive study by renowned university has illustrated that knowledge sharing causes a faster development and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
facilitation,
especially
medicine and transportation. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in term or collaboration may create the higher benefits. The best example for this is supply chain in the food industry that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
local farmers and manufacturers produces a better product for societies or consumers.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, although there are ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
becoming more dependent, its
Possible spelling mistake found.
multifold
disagreements cannot
be denied
.
First
and the foremost, an increase competition cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
afraid of sharing knowledge. Due to the fact that asymmetric information will give the comparative advantages over their direct and indirect competitors. Another argument that should
be taken
into consideration is technology.
Even though
it provides connection around the world, its easy connection
also
draw
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attention to their phone
rather
than making relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were in front of you. The final point is
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
which consume both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's energy and time.
As a result
, they spend most of the time on tasks and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
apart from their family, partner or even friends
further
without noticing.

In conclusion
, from aforementioned arguments, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more dependent on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
particularly
technology.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay The bar charts illustrates the amount of electricity produced and utilized by ten different countrie in 2014.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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