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The bar chart below shows the number of students who choose certain university subjects in 2005. v.1

The bar chart below shows the number of students who choose certain university subjects in 2005. v. 1
In some countries in recent times, both sexes are employed full-time. Thus, it is argued that works in various homes should be shared among males and females. I agree with this notion because it will reduce stress due to work on women and it would make children responsible. Firstly, the stress women who are employed full-time face can be reduced if household chores are shared. For example, many mothers who work full-time in Nigeria, face an uphill of cooking, cleaning their homes and taking care of their children if their partners do not take part in this activities. whereas, stress is minimal in homes where chores are shared between men and women. This measure will ensure that time is available for recreation and rest, which will promote a good family relationship. Secondly, children who are brought up in homes where house works are shared are often more responsible. In other words, children will learn how to be hardworking, develop soft skills and can contribute to healthy relationship in their homes and communities. For instance, Criminal Watch Group, a Nigerian think-tank reported in 2015 that majority of deliquent male teenagers are from single-parent homes or homes in which mothers work full-time and they are still solely in charge of household chores. This may not have occurred if men participate actively in chores at homes. In conclusion, when work at home are shared, women will experience less stress and children will be trained to be responsible. Programs geared towards educating families of these merits should be promoted.
In
some
countries in recent times, both sexes
are employed
full-time.
Thus
, it
is argued
that works in various
homes
should be
shared
among males and females. I
agree
with this notion
because
it will
reduce
stress
due to
work
on
women
and it would
make
children
responsible.

Firstly
, the
stress
women
who
are employed
full-time face can be
reduced
if household
chores
are
shared
.
For example
,
many
mothers who
work
full-time in Nigeria, face an uphill of cooking, cleaning their
homes
and taking care of their
children
if their partners do not
take part
in
this
activities.
whereas
,
stress
is minimal in
homes
where
chores
are
shared
between
men
and
women
. This measure will ensure that time is available for recreation and rest, which will promote a
good
family relationship.

Secondly
,
children
who
are brought
up in
homes
where
house
works are
shared
are
often
more responsible.
In other words
,
children
will learn how to be hardworking, develop soft
skills
and can contribute to healthy relationship in their
homes
and communities.
For instance
, Criminal
Watch
Group, a Nigerian
think
-tank reported in 2015 that majority of
deliquent
male
teenagers
are from single-parent
homes
or
homes
in which mothers
work
full-time and
they are
still
solely
in charge of household
chores
. This may not have occurred if
men
participate
actively
in
chores
at homes.

In conclusion
, when
work
at home are
shared
,
women
will experience less
stress
and
children
will
be trained
to be responsible. Programs geared towards educating families of these merits should
be promoted
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows the number of students who choose certain university subjects in 2005. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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