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The chart below shows the results of a survey of people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain in the year 1999 v.1

The chart below shows the results of a survey of people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain in the year 1999 v. 1
People have different views as to who is the best caregiver for children when their parents are busy working. While some argue that these children should be taken care of by their grandparents, I believe that they should be sent to nursery schools. One the one hand, there are several reasons why some might argue that it is a good idea to have grandparents look after their offspring. Firstly, it will help working parents save money if their kids are taken care of by their grandparents. Meanwhile, it may cost a half of one parent’s salary to send their children to childcare centres. This amount of money can be better saved for their children’s future life. Secondly, grandparents are often experienced in raising their offspring, so parents who are busy working may rest assure that their kids are in good hands. For example, grandparents may know how to calm a baby down when he cries. This example shows that they know how to take a good care of their grandchildren. On the other hand, I support the view that it is a better idea to send children to childcare centres. The primary reason is that these centres provide a professional environment where the staff are well trained and qualified, and facilities are modern. This is an ideal environment for children to be taken care of and develop their creativity and logical thinking, while they may not be exposed to such facilities if they are kept at home. Another reason is that they have opportunities to develop their language abilities and communication skills in nursery schools. This is because they can make new friends, talk and play with them day by day. If they are looked after by their family at home, they might not have the chance to improve these skills. In conclusion, although there are some benefits to grandparents taking care of their grandchildren, it is my view that it is more beneficial for kids to be looked after by childcare centres.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views as to who is the best caregiver for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy working. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
, I believe that they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to nursery schools.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, there are several reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might argue that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
look after their offspring.
Firstly
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to work" or "work".
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
save money if their kids
are taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
. Meanwhile, it may cost a half of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
salary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. This amount of money can be better saved for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future life.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
experienced in raising their offspring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are busy working may rest assure that their kids are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hands.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
may know how to calm a baby down when he cries. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they know how to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their grandchildren.

On the other hand
, I support the view that it is a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. The primary reason is that these
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
provide a professional environment where the staff are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
and qualified, and facilities are modern. This is an ideal environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of and develop their creativity and logical thinking, while they may not
be exposed
to such facilities if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
at home. Another reason is that they have opportunities to develop their language abilities and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in nursery schools. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends, talk and play with them day by day. If they
are looked
after by their family at home, they might not have the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their grandchildren, it is my view that it is more beneficial for kids to
be looked
after by childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows the results of a survey of people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain in the year 1999 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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