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The charts below give information about the percentage of sources of the electricity produced between 2003 nd 2008 0f 4 counties v.1

The charts below give information about the percentage of sources of the electricity produced between 2003 nd 2008 0f 4 counties v. 1
These days the number of crimes committed by the youth is on the rise and it is important to take measures to control it. Some people think that this can only be controlled by providing advanced parenting training to the parents. This essay does not agree with this opinion because of its ineffectiveness and that there are other more effective solutions. To begin with, trained parents cannot guarantee that their child would not get involved in any criminal activities. This is because parents can use their skills to try to teach their child about good and bad things, but they cannot control them. For instance, if a qualified and experienced teacher, teaches the same subjects using the same technique to a group of students in his class, but there are possibilities that some of them do not understand or follow his instructions properly. Similarly, the idea of teaching parenting skills to all parents would not be worthwhile. Additionally, there are other more useful ways to prevent the young people from getting involved in criminal activities. Firstly, it has been observed that many younger people commit crimes such as pickpocketing or robbery because they or their parents are not able to pay for their expenses. Governments can control these crimes by providing part-time job opportunities for students. Furthermore, Police should be equipped with modern technology so that they can catch the criminals immediately. This is effective because people would think twice before doing anything wrong because of the fear of punishment. In conclusion, crimes from young offenders cannot be controlled by teaching parents the parenting skills only because of its ineffectiveness. In my opinion, by providing part-time employments and modernising law-enforcement agencies, authortise can control the crimes.
These days the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed by the youth is on the rise and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to take measures to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be controlled
by providing advanced parenting training to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This essay does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its ineffectiveness and that there are other more effective solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, trained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot guarantee that their child would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in any criminal activities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to try to teach their child about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
them.
For instance
, if a qualified and experienced teacher, teaches the same subjects using the same technique to a group of students in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are possibilities that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them do not understand or follow his instructions
properly
.
Similarly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of teaching parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would not be worthwhile.

Additionally
, there are other more useful ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from getting involved in criminal activities.
Firstly
, it has
been observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
pickpocketing
or robbery
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they or their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not able to pay for their expenses.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
by providing part-time job opportunities for students.
Furthermore
, Police should
be equipped
with modern technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can catch the criminals immediately. This is effective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fear of punishment.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
from young offenders cannot
be controlled
by teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
the parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its ineffectiveness. In my opinion, by providing part-time employments and
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernising' is British English.
modernising
law-enforcement agencies,
Possible spelling mistake found.
authortise
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts below give information about the percentage of sources of the electricity produced between 2003 nd 2008 0f 4 counties v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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