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The chart shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members in all faculties of a major university in 2012. v.1

The chart shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members in all faculties of a major university in 2012. v. 1
There are few people who think that new research bring more issues than benefits. I totally agree with the given assertion as the issues caused by modern innovations have become nearly ineradicable. I would like to express my opinion and provide with justifying with suitable examples. To start with, new inventions are really important to use, but it is also harmful also. To do modern inventions they have been big issue, then its benefit. For instance, even though people experienced standard living qualities even without factories in the past, nowadays, with the advent of factories, the ozone layer is being depleted by immense amounts harmful gases. So, modern technology has created much more unavoidable concern than benefits. To make matters worse, since the moment cars were put into use, mortality rates have soared. To illustrate, cars have undeniably eased the people's lives, however, when car collisions happen, they contribute to the death toll, which means that a plethora of human species are perishing on a constant basis. Provided that this predicament keeps on growing at its current pace, it could pose a threat to the whole humanity. In conclusion, along with the degradation they bring about, modern technologies also contribute to the plunge of death rates. Therefore, the provided viewpoint has been completely supported. It is hoped that if contemporary inventions are employed properly, they are able to enhance the living standards of many people.
There are few
people
who
think
that new research bring more issues than benefits. I
totally
agree
with the
given
assertion as the issues caused by
modern
innovations have become
nearly
ineradicable. I would like to express my opinion and provide with justifying with suitable examples.

To
start
with, new inventions are
really
important
to
use
,
but
it is
also
harmful
also
. To do
modern
inventions they have been
big
issue, then its benefit.
For instance
,
even though
people
experienced standard living qualities even without factories in the past, nowadays, with the advent of factories, the ozone layer is
being depleted
by immense amounts harmful gases.
So
,
modern
technology has created much more unavoidable concern than benefits.

To
make
matters worse, since the moment cars
were put
into
use
, mortality rates have soared. To illustrate, cars have
undeniably
eased
the
people
's
lives
,
however
, when car collisions happen, they contribute to the death toll, which means that a plethora of human species are perishing on a constant basis. Provided that this predicament
keeps
on growing at its
current
pace, it could pose a threat to the whole humanity.

In conclusion
, along with the degradation they bring about,
modern
technologies
also
contribute to the plunge of death rates.
Therefore
, the provided viewpoint has been completely supported. It
is hoped
that if contemporary inventions
are employed
properly
, they are able to enhance the living standards of
many
people
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay The chart shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members in all faculties of a major university in 2012. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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